To watch outtakes from Friday’s Nooner, click play below:

To watch an outtake from Thursday’s episode of The Nooner, click play below:

After the Yanks’ win, Derek Jeter actually said, “We would like to have won, but sometimes the other team is going to beat us.” Of course, all that and more can be found in Jeter’s new magazine, Professional Athlete Cliche Quarterly. Should be a thrill ride.

You’d think Johan Santana’s complete game Sunday would end all the criticism, but you failed to consider the Daily News’ Filip Bondy, who argues that Santana should have been pulled after eight innings — the exact thing he took heat for last week. Welcome to New York, Johan. It only gets worse.

Though the Red Sox may trade embattled slugger Manny Ramirez, Mets officials say they don’t see a deal materializing. Giants wideout and known weed hookup Mario Manningham says he does see a deal materializing.

Contributing Yankees Richie Sexson and Jose Molina are advocating for the acquisition of Jarrod Washburn. When reached for comment on the situation, George Steinbrenner held his head in his hands, weeping and wondering what the hell happened.

Speaking of which, Goose Gossage argued that the Boss belongs in the Hall of Fame in his own induction speech yesterday. Analysts predict Steinbrenner will make it in, as he recently purchased Cooperstown.

In hockey news, Garth Snow’s search for the next Islanders head coach continues, and the fact that no one cares also continues.

To watch an outtake from Wednesday’s episode of The Nooner, click play below:

One joke was cut by the censors for being insensitive to Estelle Getty. We can’t tell you that one, but here’s an adjusted version:

Following the tragic loss of American acting legend Estelle Getty, Golden Girls creator Susan Harris has announced that the role of Sophia in the upcoming Golden Girls reunion movie will be played by Moises Alou.

To watch outtakes from Tuesday’s Jeremy Shockey farewell tribute, click play below:

Some jokes that didn’t make today’s episode:

Billy Wagner spoke to the press about his recent White House visit alongside total jackass Kevin Millar. “The history was the best part,” said Wagner. “The first lady changes just about every room.” “The first lady changes in every room?” misunderstood Millar. “Woohoo! Cowboy up!’

Wagner downplayed rumors of his presidential candidacy despite his similarities to George W. Bush. Both men are self-described country boys, both have a tendency to ramble on in front of the press, and the President tortures innocent suspected terrorists just like Wagner tortures innocent Mets fans.

The New York Hockey Rangers announced they’ll start next season with two games in Prague. The Rangers hope to see the sights, learn about the culture, and get drunk and hook up with some German guy staying in their same hostel.

Players on the team said they feel no need to visit the city’s Kafka museum, as working for Jim Dolan has taught them all they need to know about existential nightmares.

It was a busy day for Mets team doctors, with medical setbacks to Pedro Martinez, El Duque and Angel Pagan. Omar Minaya was depressed, saying, “This sucks. With all their rehab starts, our Minor League ticket sales were going through the roof. I’ll just have to call up some folks from the high schools.”

And today’s outtakes:

No outtakes today — everything we filmed actually made it into the show for once. So here are some jokes that didn’t get filmed:

The Mets enter the second half riding a nine-game winning streak and 19 1/3 scoreless innings from their bullpen. Billy Wagner will do his best to end both tonight in Cincinnati.

Danilo Gallinari, the Italian guy the Knicks drafted, is already hurt and shut down for summer league with a sore back. “I never experienced in my life this type of soreness,” he said. Hey kid, just wait until the season starts and you have to carry Eddy Curry.

More midseason report cards:

Carlos Beltran: B – You’re hitting again, and we love the fact that you basically told Jimmy Rollins to F-off early in the season.

Mike Pelfrey: B+ – Chewing on baby pacifiers: bad. Throwing shutouts: good.

Billy Wagner: C+ – At least the All-Star Game doesn’t actually count, this time or any time.

Hideki Matsui and Johnny Damon: Incomplete – You’ve got to stop hanging around the bar and drinking the Moises Alou Kool-Aid.

Overall, the Nooner recognizes a boring first half on the field for the NY Nines and a wonderful one off the field. A-Rod and Willie — thanks for the wackiness. We look forward to pennant chases, local papers acting like it’s Armageddon whenever there’s a single loss, and A-Rod continuing to provide us with more material than we can possibly handle.

First, some cut jokes:

The National League got so desperate, manager Clint Hurdle even considered using David Wright as an emergency relief pitcher. When asked how Fred and Jeff Wilpon would react if he were to pitch, Wright said: “I just hope that they were asleep.” Just like everyone else.

The lengthy All-Star Game must have been torture for play-by-play man Joe Buck, who has previously admitted to not really liking baseball that much. A good way to put the nail in that coffin? Spending five hours in small room with Tim McCarver.

And now, the outtakes:

To watch outtakes from today’s episode of The Nooner, click play below: