Today’s episode of The Nooner has been rained out. As of now, there is no make up date, however tomorrow’s show will go on as scheduled.

Mariano Rivera completed the save, quieting the doubters who wondered if he was done after his implosion on Saturday. Rivera pitched more like the way he did in the first 873 games of his career, prompting talk-radio callers everywhere to conclude that he’s finally back.

Rivera told the media quote I’m OK, I’m OK, I’m OK, after the game, inspiring many to wonder if he’s going a little bit crazy, crazy, crazy. Luckily, there’s no need to worry, worry, worry, as Rivera is still awesome, awesome, awesome.

Dan Warthen said the John Maine’s shoulder tightness could be the product of scar tissue from offseason surgery. Maine wasn’t so sure, saying, If it’s scar tissue, I wish I saw it, and called Warthen Sarcastic Mr. Know it all, but admitted that team trainers agree with Warthen. With the birds, I’ll share this lonely view, Maine said.

The New York Liberty started their season last night with a disappointing loss to the Sun. The team said its first mistake was taking on an astronomical body that’s 1.3 million times the size of the earth.

Melky erases shoddy start by Wang in Yanks 8-6 win; Cabrera’s late inning heroics becoming as expected and consistent as his pregame ritual of Power Rangers and Cookie Crisp.

Beltran’s return no help as Mets are once again dominated in Pittsburgh 11-6; Amazins’ pleas for US Navy snipers to step in and stop ruthless Pirates fall on deaf ears.

Yankee starter Burnett suspended six games for retaliatory throw at Rangers’ Cruz; MLB decides only to fine instigator Vicente Padilla rather than suspend him, mostly because he looks like the love child of Benicio Del Toro and that guy from No Country For Old Men and quite frankly, the man is terrifying.

Kobe torches the Magic for 40 in huge game one win; All-Star Laker guard thinking of saving energy for later in the series and letting his Nike puppet counterpart play in his place in game 2.

Pens tie series with Redwings 2-2 in dominating fashion; Epic contest lands just behind I Love the 70’s Volume 2 and reruns of Nash Bridges in Nielsen ratings.

Mets-Pirates rained out and rescheduled for July 2nd; Amazins glad to hear a possible sweep at the hands of the Unwatchables will be put off until the summer.

Yankees fall to Rangers as banged up Pettitte’s mistakes prove too much to overcome; Evidently the veteran pitcher misremembered the quickness with which he is able to bounce back from injury.

Knicks forward Wilson Chandler undergoes offseason ankle surgery to remove bone spurs; Team physicians recommended the procedure be scheduled for June because the sooner it is done the better… plus June has been months into the Knicks’ offseason for quite some time now.

Phil Hughes shoved to the bullpen by newly virile Wang; Who even cares about a joke here?  The guy’s name alone is a comedy gold mine.

Johan Santana out dueled by Zach Duke as Mets drop second straight to Pittsburgh; Team physicians now worried that supposed stomach virus may in fact be a team-wide case of scurrrrvy brought on by overexposure to lowly Pirates.

Yankees pound Rangers 12-3 after Teixeira is thrown at twice; Texas starter Padilla explains in post game conference that it was simply retribution for the time his former teammate refused to spare him a square of toilet paper in the locker room bathroom in ‘07.

Yanks’ consecutive errorless games streak comes to an end at 18; Posada crumbles under the enormous weight of upholding a record no one even knew about until 3 days ago and rockets an errant ball into center field.

Penguins’ clutch third period earns them first win of the finals, dropping Detroit 4-2; And somehow while barely contributing, Sidney Crosby still manages to garner the credit.

Mets come out of the gate quickly with 5-0 lead, but bullpen lapse leads to embarrassing 8-5 loss to upstart minor league team.

Joba goes eight strong as Yanks beat Indians and set errorless record; Chamberlain gets in on the defensive act with bellyflop catch that causes several cars in the stadium lots to overturn.

Jets RB Leon Washington finally at OTA’s after three week absence; Diminutive back insists he hadn’t intentionally avoided appearing, but rather that his quick cutting, elusive manner of movement made it nearly impossible to hit the practice facilities head on.

Agent Drew Rosenhaus claims that three teams are interested in the services of Plaxico Burress, but tells Miami TV the Dolphins aren’t one of them: “All I can reveal,” Rosenhaus said, “is that there is one AFC team, one NFC team, and the other is that team of convict kids the Rock coached in that inspiring movie.”

Depleted Mets drop Marlins 3-2; Carlos Beltran and John Maine knocked out with stomach virus, both vow to stop sharing pre-game popsicles.

Yanks mount comeback but fall to Indians in the ninth; Progressive field once again invaded by wildlife as seagulls soar overhead, Cleveland electing to hold back fleet of bears until their next postseason series with the Bombers.

Yankees tie record for errorless games streak held by 2006 Red Sox; Hank Steinbrenner uses transitive property of equality to show that the Red Sox didn’t win the World Series that year, so the Yankees obviously have no chance now, and officially throws in the towel on ‘09.

Orlando ousts the Cavaliers to join the Lakers in the upcoming NBA Finals; Former Magic and Lakers star Shaquille O’Neal reveals his prediction on Twitter – “neither can win n e thing without the big aristotle. ive out danced dwight howard and made kobe taste my ass. i win”

Stanley Cup finals apparently going on; Barry Melrose says the Red Wings are up 2-0 on some kid with a shoddy beard.

Murphy’s five RBI’s lead Mets to 7-4 win and sweep of Nationals; Johan Santana distraught however, after giving up 3 runs to baseball’s most severely illiterate team.

Strong outing by Burnett, two dingers by Matsui lead Yanks past Rangers 9-2; Burnett’s 7 start winless drought ends after he implements new strategy of “not blowing so much.”

Disgruntled running back Thomas Jones finally reports for Jets’ OTA’s; Jets expect contract dispute to escalate however when Jones, a notoriously stoic blue-collar player, gets wind of new QB Mark Sanchez’s uber-sexy GQ photo shoot.

Melky Cabrera heads back to New York to have injured shoulder checked out; Team doctors confident the jovial center fielder can be easily treated with a little love and a lollipop.

Carlos Zambrano’s umpire bumping, ball tossing, gatorade machine bashing tirade dominates the days highlights; New teammate Milton Bradley gives Zambrano an A for effort but only a C+ for execution thanks to his failure to toss the battered gatorade machine onto the infield.

Joba struggles after rain delay as Yanks fall to Rangers 7-3; Chamberlain’s hopes that certain Yankees tendencies for enhanced performances in Texas would carry them to a win regardless fall flat.

Livan Hernandez throws 127 pitch complete game as Mets drop Nats 6-1; Manager Jerry Manuel to be indicted on severe violation of senior citizen labor laws.

Banged up Mets add Ryan Church and Jose Reyes to the DL; Church is presumed to clearly be suffering the effects of another concussion (that may or may not cause him to randomly miss crucial bases), while Jose Reyes really just wants out because all the cool kids will be in the dugout now.

Jose Canseco knocked out in 76 seconds by Korean 7-footer; Canseco’s MMA debut even shorter and more embarrassing than his steroid ravaged scrotum.