So in Wednesday night’s Mets game, Phillies radioman Larry Anderson vilified Jose Reyes for celebrating his go-ahead three-run homer, saying, “Someone should hit him in the neck.” You can hear the clip (after some other Mets debate) in the embedded video below.

There’s nothing worse than some holier-than-thou jackass telling a professional athlete he can’t celebrate. Sorry, Lastings Milledge. Sorry, Chad Johnson. You’re making a mockery of your profession.

Here’s what we don’t get: Who cares? These guys are entertainers, and we pay to see them play a game. If they want to celebrate, great. More entertainment for the fans. More asses in the seats. If it weren’t for people like Jose Reyes, you, Larry Anderson, would be unemployed.

While we’re at it, we should mention that Larry Anderson — assuming it’s the same dude, which we will even though Larry Anderson’s probably a popular name — had a lifetime 5.66 ERA and sucked hardcore. Now he sucks as an announcer, and, based on his “hit him in the neck” comment, probably at everything.

Listen, if we wanted to see a bunch of workmanlike, blue-collar ballplayers, we could just go watch actual blue-collar workmen. We don’t, because that would be boring. We wouldn’t even know where to start. Are there still operating factories in the New York area? We don’t know, because we’re not interested in knowing. They don’t play baseball in factories.

And even if there are, we can guarantee you that the factory workers blow off steam by watching people like Jose Reyes hit home runs. We think celebrations should be not frowned upon, but mandatory in all sports. If these guys are getting paid to play a game, we want to know they’re enjoying it. If Larry Anderson’s getting paid to watch a game and spew crap about it, it’d be nice to know that he enjoys it too.

In other words, someone should hit the mute button on Larry Anderson’s pathetic career. Let’s go Mets.

Carlos Delgado continued his tear at the plate, knocking in 2-runs with an eighth inning double putting the Mets ahead to stay, giving them sole possession of first place in the NL East. Delgado’s red hot bat has endeared him to the Shea faithful after relentless early year booing, despite the fact that following his heroics he refused to take a curtain call, the game ball, or a post-game shower.

The Yankees enjoyed a day off before a crucial showdown in Beantown with the Red Sox this weekend. As it stands, they are one of the hottest teams in baseball with a six game win streak, having not suffered a loss since the All Star break. With the Bombers playing this well while enduring a bevy of injuries, it seems the sky is the limit for this team. There is really no telling just how good they could be once Carl Pavano comes off the DL.

You know you have been accused of something mind-blowingly insane when your winning argument in court is “Yes your honor, I’ll freely admit I participated in a sadomasochistic orgy in a London cellar… but the Nazis had nothing to do with it!”

Caleb Campbell, the West Point grad chosen in the 7th round of this year’s NFL draft, was informed that thanks to a change in Army policy he would not be eligible to play until 2010. Apparently the Army has elected to use their advertising slogan quite literally, they chose names out of a hat, and Campbell’s name was unfortunately drawn to be their “Army of One.”

LeBron James has guaranteed that Team USA basketball will win gold in Beijing. Do we really need to be giving the entire world bulletin board material LeBron? Plus, even if we do win it all it will be a tainted victory, basketball powerhouse Iraq won’t even be represented.

Part of the job description for being a closer in New York not named Mariano Rivera is that the fans will hate you. Mets fans had a big love-hate thing with John Franco, and he was pretty damn good too. Everyone hates Armando Benitez, and that’s fair, but even he was good for three of his four seasons in New York. Braden Looper? Well, screw him. But Billy Wagner’s actually good. We always forget that.

The only thing we’ll bash Billy Wagner for, besides being a bit of a redneck and a clubhouse babbler, is his choice of entrance music. We know he’s been using Enter Sandman as long as Mariano Rivera has and all, but Wagner didn’t even choose it himself. He deferred to obvious metalhead Jeff Bagwell, who must have taken time away from romantic evenings with Craig Biggio to pick Wagner’s song. How ’bout this, Billy? Let us pick:

• Ramblin’ Man by the Allman Brothers: Not only is the song musically teeming with Southern charm, but its title works as a description for Wagner. Seems like a no-brainer.
• Why Can’t We Be Friends? by War: Intimidation by the total lack of intimidation. Think of the confidence inherent in extending the olive branch to the other team before you strike them all out. Hey man, we’re cool, I’m just going to blow a bunch of fastballs by you. Then we can hang out or something.
• Flight of the Valkyries by Richard Wagner: We know the pronunciation is different, but how about a little love for your boy Vah-gner. Classical music — especially this song — would be totally epic with a fireballer coming in from the bullpen. Think Apocalypse Now. How badass was that scene?
• The Ave Maria (traditional): OK, a bit out of left field. We just think it would really get into opposing hitters’ heads if the closer came out to a song generally used as a death knell. It’d be like the requiem for the other team’s chance of winning.
• Complete silence: This, too, would be pretty badass. You’d have to make sure the fans were on board, and would keep quiet while Wagner warmed up. Plus, it’d be a really ironic entrance for a guy who never shuts up.

Mike Mussina pitched eight scoreless innings on Wednesday, leading the Yankees to their sixth win in a row, and a sweep of the Twins.  Moose, a well known crossword puzzle enthusiast, said that anyone who claims to have predicted the stellar year he has enjoyed thus far is: Four letters, “Full of ____.”

John Maine allowed only 3 runs en route to his first win since June 25, and a 6-3 Mets victory over the Phillies.  The raucous Shea crowd was anything but short on barbs about the sordid past of Phillies’ starter Brett Myers, who was making his first appearance since a four game stint in the minors.  You know, for such a seemingly docile fellow, it’s hard to believe Myers could really be such a mega-scumbag.

The Newark Star-Ledger has reported that Rutgers football coach Greg Schiano’s deal with the school involves several hidden clauses and gaurantees, including an extra $250,000 that had previously not been  disclosed.  Shady, under the table dealings in the heart of New Jersey?  Say it ain’t so.

Infamous Cubs fan and scapegoat Steve Bartman has reportedly been offered $25,000 to show himself in public and sign a single autograph.  Bartman, who has been MIA at a Bin Laden-type level since the day of the incident, can expect a crowd resembling this one should he choose to make the appearance.

This is the first and only time I will write a post with a WNBA tag, so you know something epic went down.  Last night the Detroit Shock and the LA Sparks threw etiquette and sports(wo)manship to the wayside and had themselves a good, old fashioned televised chick-fight.  Today, league officials are reviewing the incident in order to decipher the events and determine the punishments to be handed out.  No need, I’ve got it covered: The events- awesome.  To be handed out- medals. 

Here are 5 good reasons to love the WNBA brawl.

• On display here is the main reason that a fight between female athletes will forever trump any fight between men; pure, unalduterated, uncontainable hatred.  When male athletes fight it is because they are angry and impulsive, and once they realize they are on camera they immediately try their best to look tough (usually to no avail, as they wind up throwing wimpy, Carmelo-esque punches) while also doing their best to avoid being hit.  Not so here.  Once this scuffle begins these women immediately despise every fiber of one another’s being, and have that Jack Nicholson breaking through the door in The Shining kind of look in their eyes.  Their need to be held back and their genuine desire to get back in the scrum is palpable.  If this was allowed to continue I promise it would have ended in a bloody mess.
• Rick Mahorn: Peacekeeper.  I couldn’t be more anxious for Mahorn’s press conference explaining his actions here.  Even if he was truly just trying to protect his players and the integrity of the game, he’ll be hard-pressed to justify his method;  swatting Lisa Leslie across the court like a badminton birdie.
• DeLisha Milton-Jones: Regulator.  Ms. Milton-Jones would be the one in your video who runs up and punches Rick Mahorn in the back after he shoved Leslie away.  This may be the wrong metaphor, but can you believe the stones on this woman?  Granted, her fist landing squarely on Mahorn’s back probably felt to him like being hit with a spitball feels to you or me, but let’s give credit where credit is due.  This is the sports equivalent of running to the aide of an acquaintance in the midst of a bear attack, and let’s be honest, you’re leaving his ass.
• This photo of former Detroit Bad Boy Bill Laimbeer.  He looks like a proud father whose baby girl just took her first steps. 
• Ratings, plain and simple.  I will guarantee right here today, that the ratings and attendance for the next Shock-Sparks game jump by 50% each.  And judging by the number of butts in the seats of the average WNBA highlight, I’m thinking this league could use the boost.

Fight on ladies, fight on…

To watch an outtake from Wednesday’s episode of The Nooner, click play below:

One joke was cut by the censors for being insensitive to Estelle Getty. We can’t tell you that one, but here’s an adjusted version:

Following the tragic loss of American acting legend Estelle Getty, Golden Girls creator Susan Harris has announced that the role of Sophia in the upcoming Golden Girls reunion movie will be played by Moises Alou.

We don’t want Brett Favre on the Jets. We don’t care if he’s better than Chad Pennington’s brain on Kellen Clemens’ body, we’re just sick of all the Brett Favre love being tossed around. He already retired once and we already dealt with ESPN’s fawning once. That’s enough. Done. You’re finished.

Everyone loves American grit and stubble and Wrangler jeans. We get that. But what America doesn’t know about Brett Favre, apparently, is that he’s just about the most overrated quarterback ever. He’s like football equivalent of Nolan Ryan: He can chuck it, but he really has no idea where it’s going.

Yeah, yeah. Favre threw a lot of touchdowns. But he also threw a lot of interceptions. A whole lot. Miserable ones where the dude on the other team was the only guy within the camera’s frame when he caught it. Who were you aiming at, Brett Favre? No one? Just heaving? Great strategy, broseph.

Brett Favre reminds us of the kid who was the best at football in our elementary school. He was a hell of an athlete, so he’d play quarterback and just kinda scramble around for a while then launch it downfield. A lot of times some fast kid on his team caught it. Other times, some fast kid on the other team caught it. We were all really impressed by how far the kid could throw and how he could scramble around like the dickens avoiding would-be sackers, but that kid had a lot to learn about football. And when that kid turned 40 and had a bunch of concussions under his belt, we all knew it was time to leave the schoolyard.

Give it up, Brett Favre. Just like your passes, the praise thrown your way is too often misdirected.

Mets starter Johan Santana out dueled “innings eater” Joe Blanton (evidently innings are higher in calories than you’d think) in his first appearance for the Phillies, but wound up with a no decision in the end.  Unaware that it was Give Away a Victory Night at Shea, Santana was forced to look on helplessly as his Mets gave up 6 runs in the 9th in an eventual loss to their division rivals.

The Yankees notched their fifth win in a row, ninth in a row at home, with an 8-2 victory over the Twins.  Darrell Rasner had one of his best starts of the year, blanking the Twins through 5 and allowing only 2 runs before his exit in the 6th.  One has to wonder if rumors of the Yanks acquiring a certain Jack Bauer look-alike may have lit a bit of a fire under Mr. Rasner’s ass.

Despite dissatisfaction with his current contract situation, Giants wide receiver Plaxico Burress will be reporting to training camp on time.  He will also be attending his family’s regular Sunday church outing despite continuing unhappiness with having been named Plaxico.

Jets tight end Chris Baker, who has expressed anger at the team’s refusal to renegotiate his contract, has been placed on the Physically Unable to Perform list.  Considering his only injury is a slight back tweak, it is more likely in this case that PUP stands for the fact that the team is Probably Unwilling to Pay you.

LeBron James suffered an ankle injury during a Team USA practice on Tuesday, though it is not considered to be too serious.  The revelation that it is only a slight sprain has USA fans relieved that their bronze medal aspirations remain intact.

I’ve heard from a reliable source that Jeremy Shockey has been traded to the Saints. The New York media has mostly been focusing on how this move frees up cash for the Giants, but I’m confused as to how this move makes sense for the Saints. An annual cost of $1.5 million for Shockey makes some sense in New York. It’s an expensive town. But it doesn’t make sense in New Orleans. I know of a few places around Bourbon Street where the Saints can get a Shockey much cheaper than that, even during the off-season! Whatever, that trainwreck is New Orleans’ problem now. Let’s see how the people there deal with costly investments that fail to block anything.

To watch outtakes from Tuesday’s Jeremy Shockey farewell tribute, click play below: