Pitcher Mike Pelfrey threw his second straight complete game, beating the Astros 9-1 for the Mets on Monday.  Pelfrey said he likely would have earned his first career shutout, had he not sapped the last of his energy trying to outrun Jose Reyes in the 8th inning.  Not on the base paths though, Reyes’ short attention span just got him a bit riled up and he demanded Pelfrey join him in a game of freeze tag.

Retired Michael Strahan is reportedly mulling the possibility of making a comeback, considering filling a gap for the first time in his career.

On the first day of the U.S. Open, the number one ranked player in the world Rafael Nadal needed two tiebreakers to win his first round match.  Upon winning, Nadal celebrated in his usual reserved, gentlemanly manner.

Former New York Jet Chad Pennington officially named Dolphins starter; ‘Arm like dead fish’ headlines soon to follow.

9-year-old pitcher banned from Little League for being “too good”; In talks with Mets and Yankees for possible September call up.

Giants lose star defensive end Osi Umenyiora for the year, will immediately begin scouring Fox Sports lineup for possible replacement.

Yanks’ home runs save them from imploding pitching.  Mets’ imploding pitching dooms their wasted home runs.  Sales of antacid products in the greater New York area continue to skyrocket.

Brett Favre looked sharp on Saturday in a Jets preseason win over the Giants.  While unable to put any points on the board, Favre did manage to avoid devastating an entire fan base by not throwing any heart crushing interceptions to Corey Webster.

The “Redeem Team” lived up to their namesake, going the distance with a win over Spain this weekend.  Team members dedicated their win to Doug Collins, a commentator, and member of the 1972 US team that was cheated out of the gold, and never accepted their silver medals.  The Redeem Team however, had no problem accepting their gold medals… just another glaring example of today’s money hungry athletes.

The Mets completed a sweep of the Atlanta Braves last night with a 5-4 win.  Slugger Carlos Delgado went 5-for-5 at the plate, driving in 3 runs including the walk off game winning single in the 9th.  Delgado’s unexpected late career production has all but assured he and his graying goatee a lucrative deal with Just For Men.

The Yankees were absolutely walloped last night by the Blue Jays in a 14-3 loss in which starter Sidney Ponson gave up 7 runs and was pulled in the third inning.  Let’s just hope Ponson, who has had a history of off the field behavior issues, doesn’t cope with the loss the Irabu way.

The International Olympic Committee has ruled there is not yet sufficient proof that a Chinese gymnasts in question were not of proper age to compete, but that they have asked for additional documents to verify their age.  Their suspicion has been spurred on by the revelation of a team-wide endorsement of Huggies Pull-Ups only months prior to the games.

The six U.S. athletes who appeared on the same television program leading up to the Olympics all failed to live up to their expectations of success.  So was the Olympic miniseries “A Shot at Glory” a curse to those who participated?  Maybe next time around they should call it “A Shot at Embarrassing Yourself on a Global Scale” and the athletes will fair better.

Andy Pettitte scattered 5 hits over 7 innings of work, giving the Yankees a huge 5-1 win in their push to remain in the pennant race. “Nothing is insurmountable,” the pitcher said, “just look at how quickly I have been able to recover from injuries in the past…”

Mike Pelfrey pitched a surprising complete game 3 hitter in a 6-3 win over the Braves on Wednesday. Pelfrey said the unexpected efficiency was spurred on by manager Jerry Manuel’s pre-game assertion that if any pitcher made it into the 7th with a lead, he was sending the bullpen home. “We all kind of thought he was kidding,” reliever Aaron Heilman said, “but the phone rang in the middle of the 7th and he just said to ‘get the hell out.’”

Fastest man alive continues Olympic dominance, breaking record for 100m, 200m, and breaking the village speed limit.

The “Redeem Team’s” impressive run towards a shot at the gold medal took another step forward with a 31-point victory over a tough Australian men’s basketball team on Wednesday. The US hopes to parlay its solid performance against the Aussie’s into a victory in the upcoming Knifey-Spooney event.

Johnny Damon’s eighth inning defensive blunder broke a tie ballgame, allowing the Blue Jays to score the go ahead run in an eventual 2-1 loss for the Yanks.  Darrell Rasner said he “didn’t blame Johnny for the loss” though, and that he still “considers him one of the best center fielders in the game.”  He then casually strolled over to Damon’s locker and punched him in the face.

For once the Mets were on the right end of a bullpen implosion, as Carlos Delgado’s 2-run double opened the gates for a five run eighth inning by the Mets and led them to a 7-3 win over the Braves.  Delgado, whose magical late-career performance at the plate this year has been a welcome boost for the Mets, promptly sacrificed a live chicken in the post game locker room to honor Jobu for his continuing good fortune.

An MRI showing inflammation in his shoulder revealed that Mets closer Billy Wagner will be forced to stay on the DL for the time being, and that his season may be in jeopardy.  His jaw however, showed no inflammation, so his ability to not so subtly call out his own teammates in the public forum of the Michael Kay Radio Show remains in tact.

Jets QB Brett Favre is looking forward to his preseason match up with the Giants, and claims he is not thinking about redemption for the INT against the G-Men that ended his 2007 championship hopes.  Favre pointed out “This is a preseason game for us,” adding, “Besides, this year is nothing like that because the Jets have absolutely no championship hopes.”

In light of receivers troubled by injury, Bengals elect to re-sign receiver troubled by general statutes of society and law.

The Mets came to the realization yesterday that John Maine may not be 100% for the rest of the year and that they will continue to have to rely on their shaky bullpen.  After Maine was only able to go 5 innings, albeit scoreless, the bullpen proceeded to give up 5 runs and blow the game for the Amazin’s.  When asked what the plan was moving forward, pitching coach Dan Warthen pointed out “Well, we did just add Luis Ayala to steady things a bit,”… he then broke down sobbing like a teething infant and excused himself.

The Yankees, forced to address their decimated pitching staff while desperately pushing to make the playoffs, will likely be forced to call someone up from the minors this weekend to fill holes left by injury.  When asked what the plan was moving forward, pitching coach Dave Eiland pointed out “Well, we do have Pavano and Hughes waiting in the wings if we need them,”… he then broke down sobbing like a teething infant and excused himself.

Giants backup WR Domenik Hixon put on a show in last night’s preseason contest against the Browns, catching 2 TD passes and returning a free kick for his 3rd TD,  all in the first quarter!  Upon seeing this, Plaxico Burress declared his back had miraculously healed and promptly resolved his contract issues over the phone on the sideline.

CC Sabathia continued his torrid run for the Brewers, firing his fifth complete game and making him 8-0 since joining the team.  With the acquisition and subsequent heavy reliance on Sabathia, the Brew Crew has ensured themselves a valid run at the playoffs.  They have also ensured that Sabathia will not be any competetion to them after he leaves via free agency, as they will have left his arm about as strong as whipped margarine.

Does anyone know? We haven’t really been paying attention, and all we know is that Michael Phelps’ run to eight medals is complete and he’s a national treasure and maybe The Greatest Athlete of All-Time, depending on who you ask.

The bad part is we don’t really care. Sure, Phelps’ accomplishments are certainly impressive, but we wonder why, if he’s such a great athlete, he didn’t take up a real sport like baseball or basketball or cribbage. Swimming’s hard as anything, we know that. We can barely do it ourselves. But swimming is merely a contest, not a sport proper.

That’s essentially why we haven’t been following the Olympics, because there are far more contests than sports being contested. Basketball? Sport. 100-meter dash? Contest. And the problem with contests is that someone wins and everyone else loses, and there’s not much else that can happen. Whoa, some guy ran faster than all those other guys. Wow. What else did we expect?

Here’s the thing about Phelps: He should take up competitive eating. That’s something we’d love to watch.

The Yankees kept their playoff hopes alive with a huge offensive outburst on Sunday, posting 15 runs in a win over the Royals.  Jason Giambi contributed with a grand slam and credited his recently reestablished upper lip hair with the victory, “I’m telling you as soon as I let this grow out again I felt like our luck would change.  And luckily it only takes me minutes to regrow it thanks to my body’s curiously high levels of testosterone.”

Johan Santana threw an absolute gem yesterday, notching a win with a complete game shutout of the Pittsburgh Pirates.  Santana was happy he was able to go the distance after the bullpen had been worn down by their work on Saturday,  “I wanted to give the guys out there a break,” Johan said, “plus I didn’t want to have to follow through on my threats of burning down their homes if they blew another win for me.”

Brett Favre says he “Feels like a Jet,” after making his first appearance for New York in Saturday’s preseason contest with the Redskins.  The newly acquired QB was 5-for-6 for 48 yards, and threw a 4yd touchdown pass.  Only throwing a 4 yard strike in an eventual loss… yup, that’s pretty much what I assume he meant by “Feels like a Jet.”

Former Seattle Supersonics star Shawn Kemp is reportedly coming out of retirement to play for the Italian team, Premiata Montegranaro.  Kemp is excited to get back in the game as he has been close to a comeback on several occasions, but hasn’t been able to work anything out in the US.  The news is good for the Italian club as well, who can count on a 25% overall jump in their attendance each time Kemp invites his children.

Oliver Perez led the Mets to their third straight win, and a sweep of the Nationals on Thursday. The much needed series with baseball’s worst team seems to be just what the Mets needed to regain confidence, and has calmed a lot of nerves back in New York, ensuring the distinct possibility that this could be the “I felt so good after that _____ series, then outta nowhere… BAM! It’s like they hit me with a truck,” moment for the 2008 Mets.

Rookie pitcher Dan Giese became the latest Yankee casualty this season, being forced to the 15 day DL with rotator cuff tendinitis. Said Geise of the unfortunate turn, “Now I really feel like a true Yankee.”

The Giants lost one of their most recent acquisitions yesterday, putting offensive lineman Shane Olivea on season ending injured reserve after he suffered a back injury in training camp. Olivea, who was cut from the Chargers last year thanks to an addiction to pain killers, pointed out “This doesn’t have to be season ending… I know a little something that can get me back out there playing in no time…” *wink*

Rumors are swirling that a Chinese gymnast who won a gold medal earlier this week is not of proper age to compete. According to IOC regulations gymnasts must be at least 16, however, evidence reported only 9 months ago by China’s goverrnment’s new agency had the girl listed at only 13. Investigators are also looking into the possibility that the girl wasn’t at the games at all and was, in fact, CGI.

You’ve got to love the fact that “Manny gets a haircut” is now considered pertinent news. And I know what you’re thinking, but don’t bother. The story has already been optioned for an inspirational children’s book… I looked into it.