Carlose Delgado hit yet another big home run Tuesday night, continuing his torrid pace at the plate and helping the Mets to a 4-1 victory over the Florida Marlins.  I’d congratulate Carlos on his new found stroke myself, but he was seen leaving the clubhouse with this guy.

A late Yankee rally fell one run short on Tuesday, with the Bombers falling to the Orioles 7-6, and losing their third straight after having won eight in a row.  The Orioles were led by Aubrey Huff, who went 4-for-5 at the plate including a 9th inning solo jack off of Mariano Rivera that would prove to put the O’s just out of reach.  Mo looked frustrated and emasculated after watching the homer sail over the fence, but wouldn’t you be too if you just got owned by a guy named Aubrey?

The biggest trade of this year thus far went down last night, with the best team in baseball acquiring former All-Star Mark Teixeira.  Upon joining the Halos, the first baseman said he looks forward to helping the Angels come up short of the playoffs this year, and to being dealt again at next year’s deadline.

The Houston Rockets made a huge move yesterday, dealing for the often embattled but always hard working Ron Artest.  The gritty forward’s presence will instantly improve an already solid team’s rebounding and defense by leaps and bounds, and will also increase the number of security guards with tranq guns at Houston home games tenfold.

After last night’s bullpen implosion, Omar Minaya traded Fernando Martinez, Argenis Reyes and Mike Pelfrey for Turk Wendell. Hey, he’s experienced!

Yanks were doubtful about a pending Jarrod Washburn trade. Hal Steinbrenner said, “Putting on more payroll doesn’t sit well with me, and neither does trading away young talent.” George Steinbrenner replied: “You’re dead to me.”

New Giant Shane Olivea said he felt “blessed” to have conquered his addiction to pain killers. Blessed, that is, until he returns to his job as an NFL lineman.

Coach Eric Mangini gave the Jets a rare day-off yesterday, prompting suggestions that they planned to acquire Brett Favre. The Jets dismissed the talk, but Jerricho Cotchery was seen practicing 25-yard ins, meaning Chad Pennington’s certainly on his way out.

The Yankees took a beating at the hands (wings?) of the Orioles on Monday night, giving up 13 runs and producing only 2 late inning home runs themselves.  This lack of offense coincidentally came on the same day catcher Jorge Posada decided he would have season ending shoulder surgery citing, “we thought it was best for me.”  Just another selfish athlete putting himself above the team… sickening.

The Mets got only 4 1/3 innings out of starter John Maine who left with shoulder stiffness in an eventual 7-3 loss to the Marlins.  Maine’s early exit allowed New York media outlets to once again take advantage of their headline template, “Bullpen falters late, Mets fall to ___________.”

An update on the Brett Favre fiasco suggests he has signed his letter of reinstatement, and will be faxing it in to the league office some time during this week.  With the Jets being one of only two teams publicly acknowledging interest in the QB, New York talk radio has been buzzing with hopes of Favre joining Gang Green.  I’m all for hope, but something tells me this guy isn’t itching to make a move to East Rutherford.

Giants wide receiver Plaxico Burress addressed his absence from training camp, insisting his injured ankle, not his dissatisfaction with his contract, is what has kept him out.  Should his ankle happen to feel better once his contract issues are resolved, well that’s just an unavoidable coincidence neither he, nor any of us could not possibly have foreseen.

Disgraced former referee Tim Donaghy is set to be sentenced tomorrow for his role in gambling on NBA games.  It is widely thought that Donaghy will be hit with a shorter sentence than his cohorts however, thanks to his cooperation with Federal agents during the investigation.  In fact, there’s still time to get in on the action if you’re interested… he’s taking 3-to-1 that he sees no more than a year.

After the Yanks’ win, Derek Jeter actually said, “We would like to have won, but sometimes the other team is going to beat us.” Of course, all that and more can be found in Jeter’s new magazine, Professional Athlete Cliche Quarterly. Should be a thrill ride.

You’d think Johan Santana’s complete game Sunday would end all the criticism, but you failed to consider the Daily News’ Filip Bondy, who argues that Santana should have been pulled after eight innings — the exact thing he took heat for last week. Welcome to New York, Johan. It only gets worse.

Though the Red Sox may trade embattled slugger Manny Ramirez, Mets officials say they don’t see a deal materializing. Giants wideout and known weed hookup Mario Manningham says he does see a deal materializing.

Contributing Yankees Richie Sexson and Jose Molina are advocating for the acquisition of Jarrod Washburn. When reached for comment on the situation, George Steinbrenner held his head in his hands, weeping and wondering what the hell happened.

Speaking of which, Goose Gossage argued that the Boss belongs in the Hall of Fame in his own induction speech yesterday. Analysts predict Steinbrenner will make it in, as he recently purchased Cooperstown.

In hockey news, Garth Snow’s search for the next Islanders head coach continues, and the fact that no one cares also continues.

With no time to waste before next week’s non-waiver trade deadline, the Yankees management met in Tampa on Thursday to discuss possible trade options.  Beefing up the roster to make a run at the AL East title is business as usual for the Yankees brass, but there’s more competition this year.  It turns out this new team that’s replaced the Devil Rays is pretty good…at baseball I mean.  (The Devil Rays were always pretty good at certain things, such as making rainbow-colored uniforms, but they never got the baseball thing down.)  This got me thinking: If the Yankees are willing to dispense with prospects and heaps of cash to make the team more competitive, why don’t they nip this thing in the bud and use their resources to eliminate the competition.  I’m not suggesting foul play here, just savvy business maneuvering.

The Yankees can just about guarantee a spot in the playoffs if they trade for the NL West.  No, I don’t mean they should trade for every player in the division.  That would be silly.  I mean that they should negotiate with the National League to trade for a spot in the division.  League executives love money every bit as much as team executives, and who has more money to offer than the Yankees?  (Insert Cynthia Rodriguez joke here) If money’s not enough on its own, the Yankees can make it a legit trade by throwing in some prospects.  With constantly-expanding drug testing across professional baseball, the NL offices will obviously need more people to collect urine samples.  And who’s more qualified than guys who spend all their time in clubhouses?  The NL has to bite on an offer like that.  The teams currently in the division can’t complain, as they’ve all shown no interest in winning this season.  This way someone else can deal with the hassle of playing baseball in October.  The new competition would also see its ticket revenue grow, as the Yankees always draw a big crowd on the road.

The only problem I can see is that there would be an odd number of teams in each league.  This can be easily solved by sending the Brewers back home to the AL Central.  If you’re not sold on that idea, just picture the look on Eric Wedge’s face when he spots CC Sabathia taking the mound for the competition.

The Yankees took a weekend series from the Red Sox, winning 2 of 3 and pulling to within 3 games of the first place Rays.  The Sox were able to salvage the series with a win last night, but seemed distracted by Manny Ramirez’s yearly flare up of mid-season idiocy.

The Mets rounded out their weekend with a 9-1 rout of the Cardinals, as starter Johan Santana pitched brilliantly in earning the complete game win.  Santana, still shaken by his last start however, had to be reassured by post-game media members and grounds crew that it was alright to leave the the field at the end of the game, and that there was no way the Mets could possibly lose his lead.

Former Yankee closer Rich “Goose” Gossage was inducted into the Hall of Fame yesterday in an emotional ceremony in Cooperstown.  Goose would later confirm he was unable to hold back his tears because his long-awaited induction meant he’d finally won a long-standing bet with a former teammate, and could now shave that ridiculous mustache.

Antonio Margarito took the WBA welterweight crown from Miguel Cotto on Saturday night, beating his heavily favored opponent in 11rounds.  Looking largely unphased by the flurry of attacks he withstood at the hands of Cotto, Margarito revealed he had built up his “wear him down” method by paying friends, family, and neighbors to attack him mercilessly while he was doing every day activities like his morning crossword or walking the dog.

So in Wednesday night’s Mets game, Phillies radioman Larry Anderson vilified Jose Reyes for celebrating his go-ahead three-run homer, saying, “Someone should hit him in the neck.” You can hear the clip (after some other Mets debate) in the embedded video below.

There’s nothing worse than some holier-than-thou jackass telling a professional athlete he can’t celebrate. Sorry, Lastings Milledge. Sorry, Chad Johnson. You’re making a mockery of your profession.

Here’s what we don’t get: Who cares? These guys are entertainers, and we pay to see them play a game. If they want to celebrate, great. More entertainment for the fans. More asses in the seats. If it weren’t for people like Jose Reyes, you, Larry Anderson, would be unemployed.

While we’re at it, we should mention that Larry Anderson — assuming it’s the same dude, which we will even though Larry Anderson’s probably a popular name — had a lifetime 5.66 ERA and sucked hardcore. Now he sucks as an announcer, and, based on his “hit him in the neck” comment, probably at everything.

Listen, if we wanted to see a bunch of workmanlike, blue-collar ballplayers, we could just go watch actual blue-collar workmen. We don’t, because that would be boring. We wouldn’t even know where to start. Are there still operating factories in the New York area? We don’t know, because we’re not interested in knowing. They don’t play baseball in factories.

And even if there are, we can guarantee you that the factory workers blow off steam by watching people like Jose Reyes hit home runs. We think celebrations should be not frowned upon, but mandatory in all sports. If these guys are getting paid to play a game, we want to know they’re enjoying it. If Larry Anderson’s getting paid to watch a game and spew crap about it, it’d be nice to know that he enjoys it too.

In other words, someone should hit the mute button on Larry Anderson’s pathetic career. Let’s go Mets.

Carlos Delgado continued his tear at the plate, knocking in 2-runs with an eighth inning double putting the Mets ahead to stay, giving them sole possession of first place in the NL East. Delgado’s red hot bat has endeared him to the Shea faithful after relentless early year booing, despite the fact that following his heroics he refused to take a curtain call, the game ball, or a post-game shower.

The Yankees enjoyed a day off before a crucial showdown in Beantown with the Red Sox this weekend. As it stands, they are one of the hottest teams in baseball with a six game win streak, having not suffered a loss since the All Star break. With the Bombers playing this well while enduring a bevy of injuries, it seems the sky is the limit for this team. There is really no telling just how good they could be once Carl Pavano comes off the DL.

You know you have been accused of something mind-blowingly insane when your winning argument in court is “Yes your honor, I’ll freely admit I participated in a sadomasochistic orgy in a London cellar… but the Nazis had nothing to do with it!”

Caleb Campbell, the West Point grad chosen in the 7th round of this year’s NFL draft, was informed that thanks to a change in Army policy he would not be eligible to play until 2010. Apparently the Army has elected to use their advertising slogan quite literally, they chose names out of a hat, and Campbell’s name was unfortunately drawn to be their “Army of One.”

LeBron James has guaranteed that Team USA basketball will win gold in Beijing. Do we really need to be giving the entire world bulletin board material LeBron? Plus, even if we do win it all it will be a tainted victory, basketball powerhouse Iraq won’t even be represented.

Part of the job description for being a closer in New York not named Mariano Rivera is that the fans will hate you. Mets fans had a big love-hate thing with John Franco, and he was pretty damn good too. Everyone hates Armando Benitez, and that’s fair, but even he was good for three of his four seasons in New York. Braden Looper? Well, screw him. But Billy Wagner’s actually good. We always forget that.

The only thing we’ll bash Billy Wagner for, besides being a bit of a redneck and a clubhouse babbler, is his choice of entrance music. We know he’s been using Enter Sandman as long as Mariano Rivera has and all, but Wagner didn’t even choose it himself. He deferred to obvious metalhead Jeff Bagwell, who must have taken time away from romantic evenings with Craig Biggio to pick Wagner’s song. How ’bout this, Billy? Let us pick:

• Ramblin’ Man by the Allman Brothers: Not only is the song musically teeming with Southern charm, but its title works as a description for Wagner. Seems like a no-brainer.
• Why Can’t We Be Friends? by War: Intimidation by the total lack of intimidation. Think of the confidence inherent in extending the olive branch to the other team before you strike them all out. Hey man, we’re cool, I’m just going to blow a bunch of fastballs by you. Then we can hang out or something.
• Flight of the Valkyries by Richard Wagner: We know the pronunciation is different, but how about a little love for your boy Vah-gner. Classical music — especially this song — would be totally epic with a fireballer coming in from the bullpen. Think Apocalypse Now. How badass was that scene?
• The Ave Maria (traditional): OK, a bit out of left field. We just think it would really get into opposing hitters’ heads if the closer came out to a song generally used as a death knell. It’d be like the requiem for the other team’s chance of winning.
• Complete silence: This, too, would be pretty badass. You’d have to make sure the fans were on board, and would keep quiet while Wagner warmed up. Plus, it’d be a really ironic entrance for a guy who never shuts up.

Mike Mussina pitched eight scoreless innings on Wednesday, leading the Yankees to their sixth win in a row, and a sweep of the Twins.  Moose, a well known crossword puzzle enthusiast, said that anyone who claims to have predicted the stellar year he has enjoyed thus far is: Four letters, “Full of ____.”

John Maine allowed only 3 runs en route to his first win since June 25, and a 6-3 Mets victory over the Phillies.  The raucous Shea crowd was anything but short on barbs about the sordid past of Phillies’ starter Brett Myers, who was making his first appearance since a four game stint in the minors.  You know, for such a seemingly docile fellow, it’s hard to believe Myers could really be such a mega-scumbag.

The Newark Star-Ledger has reported that Rutgers football coach Greg Schiano’s deal with the school involves several hidden clauses and gaurantees, including an extra $250,000 that had previously not been  disclosed.  Shady, under the table dealings in the heart of New Jersey?  Say it ain’t so.

Infamous Cubs fan and scapegoat Steve Bartman has reportedly been offered $25,000 to show himself in public and sign a single autograph.  Bartman, who has been MIA at a Bin Laden-type level since the day of the incident, can expect a crowd resembling this one should he choose to make the appearance.