Martinez signed a deal with the Phillies and, in a tribute to his former team, was immediately sent to the 15-day disabled list with a (insert any imaginable injury here).

Pettitte will stick with Yanks, signing one-year, $5.5 million deal; Hurler likely regrets rebuffing initial $10.5 million offer, as current incentive-laden contract will not reach that level unless Pettitte can win 15 games, land a plastic ring around the neck of a beer bottle, and guess Joba Chamberlain’s weight and BAC.

Jets to retain Brian Schottenheimer as offensive coordinator; Rex Ryan glad to preserve team’s ability to call and miserably fail on shotgun plays in crucial 3rd and short situations.

Celts deny having ever made a verbal offer to Stephon Marbury; One Boston exec does admit however, that Steph tried to sweet talk him into an oral agreement in the back of a truck.

Former Yankee David Justice vehemently denies Kirk Radomski’s HGH allegations, but will not sue; Justice says he won’t help Radomski’s book sales by keeping his name in the news.  After all, he has already done enough for the guy by buying HG… wait… never mind.

Nets fall to Thunder in front of only 5,000 fans; Massive Oklahoma City ice storm keeps fans away, gives Nets false sense of comfort as they thought it was a New Jersey home game.

Thursday, virtuoso AP scribe Ronald Blum wrote that the 3.6 percent increase in the average Major League salary “was the smallest since 2004, when the average declined 2.5 percent from the previous season.” Clearly the national GDP isn’t the only growth that’s stalled.

Blum also notes that while the Yankees maintained their spot atop the Major League payroll mountain, their “average of $6.86 million [per player] was down from a record $7.47 million last year.”

So while the Yankees’ recent spree of offers sounds like a six-year-old reading the Toys R’ Us catalogue — I want that one and that one and that one — or preppy Freshman girls reading the orientation facebook — I want a CC and an A.J. and a Mark and a Bobby and a Derek — their strategy of not just beating the offers of their competitors but blowing them away by $40 million, is actually a calculated strategy to raise the average Major League salary back to pre-recession levels. The Yankees are doing their part to save the economy.

Now you get out there and max out those credit cards, just like Uncle Hank. That’s change redistribution we all can believe in.

What’s The Nooner? It’s SNY.tv’s daily quickie, featuring an offbeat look at all the latest New York sports news.

Why not TheNooner.com? Because it’s already taken by Playboy. That Hugh Hefner continues to have great ideas.

Who’s the pretty girl telling the dirty jokes? That’s Brittany. I realize you’re eager to get to know her better, and you will — here and on the show. Be patient, though. Try not to look desperate.

Who am I? I’m your guide on this blog, just some guy who’s going to make the most of his gig until he’s inevitably fired.