So when Major League Baseball made the decision to exclusively include umpires with World Series experience in this year’s fall classic did it make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside?  Well it probably shouldn’t have, because all it did was assure us that those making the incorrect calls would do so with decades of collective experience.

Last night’s game 2 between the Yanks and Phils was yet again a comedy of umpiring errors that made fans everywhere cry out “Instant Replay” as they woke up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night.  Starring as the feature play in last night’s hot mess was the Phillies somehow managing to turn two on a play in which zero outs were actually recorded.  Rather than having 1 out with the bases loaded and Mark Teixeira at the plate, the Yanks were sent back to the dugout on the phantom double play.  I can’t even begin to imagine the reaction had the Yanks not been holding the lead at the time.  All I can figure is that MLB would have been forced to find another entire crew with commensurate experience because this group wouldn’t have made it out of the Bronx without being strung up and beaten like middle-aged, overweight pinatas.

Oh yeah, and it wasn’t over either.  Shortly after the double play that never was, the umps called another double play… that never was.  Chase Utley would be called out on the tail end of a double play ball that he had clearly beat to first base, but to no avail.  Was it a make up call?  Could it have been the renegade justice of umpire Brian Gorman who realized he had already screwed the Yanks so it was only fair?  Maybe, but it would seem there might be a slightly better way to run things.

In summation, this is my official plea to Major League Baseball… we NEED replay!  There is no way around it, and no valid arguments that still stand against it thanks to postseason baseball turning into a glaucoma patient convention.  The umps don’t even have to leave the field, just stick an official replay reviewer up in a booth, give them final say and be done with it.  Call up C.B. Bucknor, whose atrocious ALDS umpiring already got him kicked off the first World Series crew he was to be a part of, and tell him he’s got a ticket to the series anyway.  Sit him in a booth and make him smile, because even he can’t get it wrong with replay on his side.  Really though, as far as I’m concerned you can use whoever throws out the ceremonial first pitch that game, just get someone with a pulse up there with a TV monitor who can fix this tragedy, because there is no one among us who could say we’d be against having even President Obama and his mom jeans up in that booth getting the call right.  As long as in the end, the right call might finally be made.

Andy and Mo lead Yanks to 5-2 victory and trip to the World Series; Realizing he knows full well what it’s like to celebrate with a ridiculously hot woman, Jeter’s beer goggles take the road less traveled.

Jets use bumbling Raiders to get back on track with 38-0 stomping; Shifty RB Washington lost for season when he jukes his fibula in half.

G-Men stifled by Cardinals defense in 24-17 loss; Arizona QB Kurt Warner credits the win fully to his teammates on the other side of the ball… and Jesus.  Obviously.

Sabathia wins ALCS MVP; Ace pitcher earns award over A-Rod thanks to tie-breaking vote that determined he would shield Fox’s cameras from champagne damage more efficiently.

Former Mets GM Steve Philips dismissed from position at ESPN following sex scandal; Long after general managing days, Philips shows he is still of the mentality that it’s okay to pay an exorbitant price to land a career ruining schlub.

The Yanks came back strong from their first loss of the postseason and put up 10 on the helpless Angels.  But don’t let the score fool you, this game certainly wasn’t lacking in the entertainment department.  Here were my favorite moments…

- Scott Kazmir making the decision early on that since he couldn’t find rhythm or consistency, he would just pitch as slow as humanly possible.  I see the logic, hoping the ump might get distracted by something in the crowd in his downtime, then in a panic call a strike he didn’t see.  The downside though, was that the first four innings of this game ran just under 4 hours.

- 3rd base umpire Tim McClelland beginning his stellar night of complete ineptitude by calling Nick Swisher out for leaving early on a tag up in which he clearly had not.  Though to be fair, maybe McClelland was just setting the world right being that Swisher had been called safe on a pick off at second moments earlier, when he was clearly out and should not even still have been on the base paths.  In any case, umpiring has reached the summit of Mount Useless this postseason.

- Tex finally picks up a hit, then A-Rod drives him in with yet another home run.  Following the game a jubilant Rodriguez would slap Reggie Jackson and demand he hand over the rights to the Mr. October monicker.

- Jorge Posada somehow advancing only from second to third on Robbie Cano’s booming double to center field.  Although Torii Hunter did pull out the old school “pretend to catch it when it’s twenty feet over your head” move in center field, I see that one showing up on the next And 1 Mixtape.

- Perhaps setting the bar for most retarded 30 seconds in playoff history, Posada and Cano find themselves both at third and in a moment of epic stupidity, decide neither of them should go back to the bag as Angels catcher Mike Napoli tags them out.  But hold the phone, who’s the 3rd base umpire?  Tim McClelland, who only calls Posada out because that crafty Cano just put his foot on the bag and acted nonchalant, and that was more than enough to convince McClelland he’d been there the whole time.  Playoff umpires… best of the best.

- Kendry Morales absolutely blasts a neck high Sabathia fastball into center to start off CC’s first tough inning, prompting Tim McCarver to temporarily back off his theory that Sabathia could pitch 80 more innings if necessary.

- After getting a fresh coat of white-out put on his finger nails in the dugout, Jorge Posada swipes them under Nick Swisher’s nose causing the outfielder to pop up in his seat.  Have we just discovered the secret to Nick Swisher’s happy-go-lucky “high on life” attitude?

- A dominating 7th inning by Sabathia has McCarver and Joe Buck not even talking about the game, but rather sharing stories that explain why CC is not only an amazing pitcher, but possibly the greatest man alive.  In commentator terms, this is the baseball equivalent to “Favre-ing” someone.

- A-Rod adds a single and another run for good measure.  Anyone else starting to think Kate Hudson has a detailed ‘stats-to-sexual favors’ formula that has Alex filling up the box scores?

- Chad Gaudin is inserted in the 9th inning to close it out in the Yankees’ “sorry we haven’t used you in 127 innings” moment.

- McCarver and Buck point out that it is the 99th birthday of the voice of Yankee Stadium Bob Sheppard, saying he is affectionately known around the old stadium as the “voice of God.”  Seems a bit overdone, but in all fairness Sheppard was hanging out with God back when everyone just called him “Jerry.”  In all seriousness though a well deserved happy birthday to a man the fans truly miss having around.

- I give all the credit in the world to Pat Sajak, who is still going strong in the 9th and refuses to leave early.  The longtime Wheel of Fortune host needed only to buy one vowel to complete his postgame reaction puzzle: S-H—T!

- Gaudin throws his hat in the ring for heir to Mariano’s throne with a 1-2-3 inning.  See you in the next complete blowout Chad!

- A final shot in the commentator booth reveals Joe Buck’s oversized head snapping back and dispensing a giant Pez candy for Tim McCarver’s postgame enjoyment.

- Yankee skipper Joe Girardi announces that A-Rod and CC will start Thursday’s game 5… alone… on short rest…….. blindfolded.

Giants’ “top defensive unit” torched by Brees and Saints in 48-27; Referee Ed Hochuli’s call of unnecessary buffness on himself in fourth quarter puts exclamation point on Saints’ dominating effort.

Sanchez throws 5 INT’s in Jets OT loss to Bills’ reserves; Rookie quarterback’s performance shaken by wind, cold, and general existence of defensive backs.

Knicks top Maccabi Tel Aviv in game featuring belligerent coach refusing to leave the floor; Knicks brass extend job offer to irate coach with explanation “It’s not like he sexually harassed anyone while blaming his own failed suicide attempt on his young daughter.”

Yankees head to LA with comfortable 2-0 lead; A-Rod sends memo to the general population apologizing if he has unintentionally rained his clutch down upon them mercilessly.

So what in the world happened to the Jets on MNF?  Where did the dominating Gang Green that was favored even on the road disappear to?  After a second loss in a row, it’s time to start wondering where we place the blame…

- Mark Sanchez, master of poise, for being slightly out-poised by a second year backup who by all accounts never had the poise-filled headlines to warrant saying he’d be a remotely poised challenger in a battle of poiseyness.

- Rex Ryan for wasting countless hours of valuable defensive game planning time to come up with vicious Yo Momma jokes to shout at Channing Crowder.

- The bastards at Pillsbury whose ill-advised placement of endzone Totino’s Pizza Rolls billboards clearly pushed Ricky Williams to his 6.2 yards per carry mark.

- Jets DE Calvin Pace, whose return from suspension threw a wrench in the spokes of the Jet defenders who struggled throughout the game to see around his massive, Peanuts-character head.

- Dolphins minority owner and grammy winner Marc Anthony for intimidating the Jets into distraction by staring down at the game like an evil dictator perched ominously atop his kingdom (in a luxury booth with Dwyane Wade and Gabrielle Union).

- The fans, whose steadfast belief and collective hope year in and year out only encourages the wrath of a vengeful and clearly kinda just plain douchey God.

Yanks advance to ALCS finishing off Twins 4-1: Pavano puts forth solid effort, but ultimately wilts under crippling pressure of Minnesota media.

Manning’s injured heel a non-issue as G Men rock Raiders 44-7; Oakland hoping pro showdown at least tuned them up for better results in next week’s grudge match against Division III standout Sycamore State University Extension Center.

Angels rally in 9th, knock off Sox to complete sweep; Papelbon earns place among strongest “closers” in baseball as epic bed-pooing closes the book on Boston’s year.

Broncos shock Pats, move to 5-0 in Tecmo Bowl throw-up uniforms.