Despite Beltran’s absence, Mets amass 14 hits and drop Cards 6-4; Small ball win allows adjectives like “gutsy,” “scrappy,” and “feisty” to replace the usual “dismal,” “punchless,” and “Santana-killing” in Met headlines.

Glover holds off Lefty and Duval to take the U.S. Open at Bethpage; Unlikely winner then tracks down drunken a-hole who screams “Get in the hole!” every time someone tees off, and uses the silver trophy to bludgeon him to death.

Yankees officially file protest after 6-5 loss to Florida; Manager Joe Girardi says protest prompted partly by Marlins’ substitution error, and mostly by Hank Steinbrenner’s threat that he would move Girardi’s office into the team bathroom if he dropped 2 of 3 to Florida.

Sabathia vows to make scheduled start Friday at the Mets despite arm stiffness; Ace tells team doctors not to worry, and that his injury was only sustained because the offer to eat free at any Miami-area CiCi’s Buffet had him straining his arm with far too many heaping helpings of delicious pizza and pasta.