Melky erases shoddy start by Wang in Yanks 8-6 win; Cabrera’s late inning heroics becoming as expected and consistent as his pregame ritual of Power Rangers and Cookie Crisp.

Beltran’s return no help as Mets are once again dominated in Pittsburgh 11-6; Amazins’ pleas for US Navy snipers to step in and stop ruthless Pirates fall on deaf ears.

Yankee starter Burnett suspended six games for retaliatory throw at Rangers’ Cruz; MLB decides only to fine instigator Vicente Padilla rather than suspend him, mostly because he looks like the love child of Benicio Del Toro and that guy from No Country For Old Men and quite frankly, the man is terrifying.

Kobe torches the Magic for 40 in huge game one win; All-Star Laker guard thinking of saving energy for later in the series and letting his Nike puppet counterpart play in his place in game 2.

Pens tie series with Redwings 2-2 in dominating fashion; Epic contest lands just behind I Love the 70’s Volume 2 and reruns of Nash Bridges in Nielsen ratings.