Murphy’s five RBI’s lead Mets to 7-4 win and sweep of Nationals; Johan Santana distraught however, after giving up 3 runs to baseball’s most severely illiterate team.

Strong outing by Burnett, two dingers by Matsui lead Yanks past Rangers 9-2; Burnett’s 7 start winless drought ends after he implements new strategy of “not blowing so much.”

Disgruntled running back Thomas Jones finally reports for Jets’ OTA’s; Jets expect contract dispute to escalate however when Jones, a notoriously stoic blue-collar player, gets wind of new QB Mark Sanchez’s uber-sexy GQ photo shoot.

Melky Cabrera heads back to New York to have injured shoulder checked out; Team doctors confident the jovial center fielder can be easily treated with a little love and a lollipop.

Carlos Zambrano’s umpire bumping, ball tossing, gatorade machine bashing tirade dominates the days highlights; New teammate Milton Bradley gives Zambrano an A for effort but only a C+ for execution thanks to his failure to toss the battered gatorade machine onto the infield.