Derek Jeter sat out his first game of the year with a sore side, saying, “it’s always annoying when you can’t play.” Yanks pitchers sick of Jeter’s miserable defense chimed in that it’s pretty annoying when Jeter does play, too.

Eli Manning and his wife Abby will announce plans today to bankroll a state-of-the-art birthing center bearing their name at St. Vincent’s Hospital in Manhattan. The QB said he has no plans to start a family any time soon, he’s just really hoping someone gets to work on making him a new receiver.

In what’s surely a sign of the Apocalypse, Stephon Marbury scored 12 points in the fourth quarter while leading a crew of Celtics reserves against the Magic to bring his team back in the game in Boston’s eventual win. “That unit won the game for us,” said coach Doc Rivers. “Dude,” Marbury added: “I know I’m a d@#$, but please don’t call me a unit.”