The Yanks head to Kansas City tonight to take on former teammate Sir Sidney Ponson, known for being a bad pitcher, an Aruban Knight and a drunk-driving jackass. Experts predict Ponson will get hammered by the Yankee lineup and again in the clubhouse before he drives home.

The Rangers clinched a playoff berth last night. The NHL postseason begins later this month and ends when everyone wonders how long the NHL postseason can possibly drag on for and stops paying attention entirely.

In sad news for people who like to make jokes about crappy members of the Mets, Marlon Anderson could play his last game for the team tonight. Luckily for me, he’ll be replaced by Livan Hernandez tomorrow.

John Maine has downplayed his recovery from the offseason surgery that removed a bony growth from his shoulder, but is thankful that everyone will finally stop talking about his bony growth.