In a story too bizarre to ignore, the wife of 20-year-old former Yankees’ prospect Jose Tabata has been charged with abducting a two-month old baby. Of course, the strangest part of the story might be that Tabata’s wife is 43, and just wanted to make it clear once and for all that she’s most definitely a cradle-robber.

Leon Washington, in the last year of his contract, deemed his contributions to the Jets, quote, “priceless,” which is believed to be worth about $4 million a year.

“I’m trying to revolutionize the game,” said Washington, “like a Dave Meggett or a Gale Sayers.” No word on whether the Jets and their running back have begun negotiations, but hopefully it’ll start with a dictionary that includes “priceless” and “revolutionize.”

The Yanks announced that CC Sabathia will start Opening Day at the new stadium, an event Joe Girardi expects will make them like “kids in a candy store.” Of course, in Sabathia’s case, that means he’ll ransack the place for every available gummi bear.

Carlos Beltran will open the Carlos Beltran Academy, a high school in Puerto Rico to help prepare students for the rigors of Major League baseball. Young athletes will take courses like, “Econ 101: Producing in A Contract Year,” “Bird Watching: How to approach a Cardinal’s Curveball,” and of course, “How to Succeed in Business without looking like you’re really trying.”