Nets beats Bucks 99-85; Spoil Richard Jefferson’s homecoming with win, and by having not yet moved to Brooklyn.

Rangers retire #9 in honor of Adam Graves in MSG ceremony; Chuck Norris considering suing MSG for stealing the name for their special “Heart of a Ranger” from the classic Walker, Texas Ranger episode when his horse teaches him what it is to love.

Citigroup reportedly exploring possibility of backing out of Mets stadium deal; Company unsure in these tough times that combining their volatility in the financial markets with the volatility of the Mets isn’t just tempting fate.

Jets offensive coordinator says he would welcome the chance to coach Brett Favre again this year; Schottenheimer thoroughly enjoyed the fact that the devastating timing of Favre’s interceptions almost always took the attention away from any poor play calling on his part.

Mets GM says there will be no more big offseason moves; Minaya hoping this reverse psychology will land Manny Ramirez in Flushing, and that the same strategy will work once he is there when Omar tells him: “We don’t care if you wear your uniform nine sizes too large and half-ass it every other game.”

Knicks fall to Lakers as Kobe breaks Madison Square Garden scoring record; Marbury’s scoring record for team parking garage remains in tact.

Mets come to 3-year, $36 million dollar agreement with Oliver Perez; Who says you can’t put a price on wild inconsistency?

Roger Clemens’ DNA reportedly found in Brian McNamee’s syringes; Clemens camp still claiming it is fabricated evidence, and that McNamee could have easily obtained a DNA sample while Roger was distracted by the searing hot liniment on his testicles.

MLB commissioner’s salary numbers revealed; Somehow, Bud Selig is going to ride out this whole economic storm and be okay.

Steelers beat Cardinals in dramatic fashion, 27-23; Four horsemen of the apocalypse relieved to hear they won’t be stuck working the day after the Super Bowl.

Santonio Holmes wins Super Bowl MVP; Drug dealers everywhere inspired to be all they can be.

Knicks face upcoming “Hell Week”; Otherwise known as “bring us back to reality in a flawed system in which even WE might be allowed in the post-season week.”

Joe Torre defends book on “Weekend at Larry’s”; Limp, sunglasses-wielding carcus agrees with his points.

Olympic medal winner caught smoking bong; Record setting swimmer would like to know how YOU intend to maintain a caloric intake of 10,000 per day.