A few that didn’t make the show today:

Well, the great conspiracy has been revealed in Texas. It was A-rod’s cousin Yuri Sucart on the grassy knoll that day in Dallas.

This officially eliminates other suspects in the “who’s A-Rod’s drug pushing cousin” debate –- and it’s too bad. I had a three guy parlay in the office pool between Nino Brown in New Jack City, Johnny Deep in Blow, and Tony Montana. “Say hello to my little friend! Watch him strike out in October!”

Yes, Sucart was named as the cousin that A-Rod sold down the river and slid under the bus in his steroid admission. The one who bought the “boli” in the Dominican Republic. The one who injected A-Rod’s A-Buns twice a month for three years. The one who just can’t wait for the next Rodriguez family reunion. Hey cousin, A-Rod! Thanks for the awesome secret Santa gift! Guess what I’m getting you, jackass.

George Steinbrenner made a rare appearance at the Yankees Spring Training Stadium. The aging Boss was looking a little frail, so A-rod said “hey, I got something that will perk you up a little”

OK, so that was a cheap shot, but it didn’t really hurt anyone. Yeah, I know it’s not nice to make fun of a used up, old blowhard that no one wants to see around anymore considering his current condition, but hey, A-Rod is signed for nine more years, so we just have to deal with talking about him, OK?

Over in Mets camp, Jose Valentin said regretted not knowing earlier that a laser surgery was available to fix a pinched nerve in his neck, admitted he only found out about it when he went in for his monthly laser mustache sharpening.