A-Rod calls SI writer Selena Roberts to apologize; Rodriguez says he’s sure Roberts accepts his apology and that she knows it is sincere, as she is probably outside his window watching him as they speak.

Shaq and Kobe split MVP honors as West dominates 2009 All-Star game; Duo assures media that there are no problems between them and that Kobe certainly has no idea how his former teammate’s ass tastes.

Knicks’ Robinson wins ’09 dunk contest; Donning green jersey, 5’9″ guard jumps over reigning champ Dwight Howard, slides down a magical rainbow and dunks into his precious pot of gold for the win.

Giants use franchise tag on running back Brandon Jacobs; Place A-hole tag on Plaxico Burress to be worn all of next season as penalty.