Wow, Joe Torre. Really? David Wells is difficult and Kevin Brown is mean? Randy Johnson, the homeliest human being in the history of human vision, is a sad sack? No! Say it ain’t so, Joe! A-Rod is self-absorbed? We refuse to believe it.

Obviously, the papers are having a field day with the “shocking” details of Torre’s tell-some book, and that’s their privilege. This is, after all, the darkest time in the sports year. The basketball and hockey seasons haven’t really picked up steam yet and there’s no baseball or football. It’s either spin something out of nothing with Manny Ramirez or spin something out of something minor with Torre’s book.

Honestly, think about it: What’s really shocking here? The details, or that Torre is revealing the details?

Is anyone surprised to learn that A-Rod’s teammates think he’s a fraud? Is there a sports fan in New York who didn’t know A-Rod was jealous of Derek Jeter’s celebrity? Did somebody actually think David Wells was an easygoing fella that everyone gets along with? Was someone, somewhere, living under the assumption that somebody not named Alyssa Milano enjoyed Carl Pavano’s company?

The only thing that should raise eyebrows about Torre’s book is that Torre himself was willing to put his name on something that ruffles — though doesn’t pluck — feathers. Of course, since it’s not an autobiography proper, Torre has a big shield to hide behind. And because he targeted such fan favorites as Pavano, Brown and A-Rod instead of dishing real dirt on Sacred Bombers like Jeter, Mariano Rivera and Bernie Williams, Torre’s legacy — despite what you may have heard on the radio this week — is just fine.

And we think that’s pretty lame. If you want to really shock us, tell us something we don’t know.