Knicks top Wizards behind David Lee’s 30 points and 10 rebounds; Wizards attempt at intimidation by subbing in Gilbert Arenas’ wax figure is fruitless as Lee rolls.

Balanced Celtics dismiss Nets 118-86; Celts run away with game after 1st quarter dunk prompts a Kevin Garnett scream that causes Nets’ coach Lawrence Frank to wet himself and dash into the locker room.

Ex-Giant comes to rescue of Plaxico Burress; Dave Meggett takes heat off the currently embattled receiver by selflessly adding another notch to the old sexual battery belt.

Yanks invite Shelly Duncan and Kei Igawa to camp despite poor ’08; Coaches looking forward to betting on hilarious batting practice comprised of Duncan wildly swinging at one Igawa dirtball after another.