“Focused” Giants roughed up by Eagles at home; Backup Domenik Hixon made a crucial mistake early on, letting a sure fire touchdown go right through his arms, proving that Plaxico Burress isn’t the only Giants’ WR with holes in him.

Jets dominated my Mike Singletary’s new look Niners out west; With their second straight loss dropping them into a 3-way tie for the AFC East lead, the once promising Jets season may soon be a lost cause if Eric Mangini is unwilling to drop his pants for motivational purposes.

Knicks outlast woeful Pistons 104-92, extend Detroit’s Sunday slump; Despite a late game rally, the Pistons could not overcome the deficit that had been as much as 29.  Apparently, it just isn’t in the stars for any Detroit sports teams to win on Sundays.

Mets GM Minaya meets with K-Rod in Las Vegas; Finally solves mystery of why his nickname is K-Rod when his first name is Francisco… pair to meet a second time to address Mets need for a closer.

A-Rod to play for Dominican Republic in World Baseball Classic; All-Star happy to hear claiming “dual citizenship” will not be as troublesome in this case as it was with his marriage.

Jets defensive end Shaun Ellis charged with speeding, driving without insurance, and marijuana possession; The team will likely go easy on Ellis however, as he just happened to be the one who drew the short straw, earning him the job of making sure the New York media didn’t completely forget the Jets exist.

Giants LB Antonio Pierce to speak with authorities on Friday regarding his involvement in the Plaxico Burress shooting; Pierce refused to aknowledge the incident with the media however, saying “I am about as focused as I can be,” as he frisked each person who entered the locker room for firearms.

Canadiens spank Rangers 6-2 in Montreal; No one shot… no drug possession… no famous, hot ex-girlfriends publicly disparaged… no one interested.

Yanks GM Cashman meets with Sabathia’s agent Scott Boras; After tension over A-Rod mess is broken by a swift Cashman slap, meeting goes relatively smoothly.

In tough economic times, three sources of investment can speed up a sluggish economy: personal, commercial and government. However, in the rough economic waters of the modern baseball landscape, only one group appears poised to lift their fellow boats: the New York Yankees.

Thursday, virtuoso AP scribe Ronald Blum wrote that the 3.6 percent increase in the average Major League salary “was the smallest since 2004, when the average declined 2.5 percent from the previous season.” Clearly the national GDP isn’t the only growth that’s stalled.

Blum also notes that while the Yankees maintained their spot atop the Major League payroll mountain, their “average of $6.86 million [per player] was down from a record $7.47 million last year.”

So while the Yankees’ recent spree of offers sounds like a six-year-old reading the Toys R’ Us catalogue — I want that one and that one and that one — or preppy Freshman girls reading the orientation facebook — I want a CC and an A.J. and a Mark and a Bobby and a Derek — their strategy of not just beating the offers of their competitors but blowing them away by $40 million, is actually a calculated strategy to raise the average Major League salary back to pre-recession levels. The Yankees are doing their part to save the economy.

Now you get out there and max out those credit cards, just like Uncle Hank. That’s change redistribution we all can believe in.

Reports have surfaced that the Giants were aware of the Plaxico Burress accident only moments after it occurred, as teammate Antonio Pierce contacted a team trainer for help.  Evidently, Pierce made the phone call soon after his initial text message went unanswered: idk wat 2 do, plx shot hmslf… LMFAO.

Cavs rout Knicks in 118-82 win, Knicks prez Donnie Walsh takes some positives from the game: “See now if this were 2010, and LeBron’s 21 points were on our side, we would have only lost by a much more respecatable margin of 15.”

Cashman hoping to woo Sabathia to Yanks at Winter Meetings in Las Vegas; GM hoping $140 million along with all of his Bellagio buffet vouchers will be enough to lure the ace pitcher.

Rangers top Pens 3-2 in shootout win; Goalie Henrik Lundqvist has now allowed only 3 goals in 19 shootout shot attempts, making him the most efficient stopper in hockey since the combination of Goldberg and Julie “The Cat” Gaffney led the Mighty Ducks in 1994.

Giants meet with Plaxico, officially end his season by placing him on the reserve/non-football injury list; Embattled star to supplement income by launching line of comfortable, yet practical, holster-equipped sweatpants.

Knicks outscored by 11 in the fourth quarter in loss at home to Blazers; Clearly missing the presence and leadership of Stephon Marbury down the stretch.

Despite being on the supposed “hot seat” for the better part of the season, rumors swirling that Notre Dame will retain head coach Charlie Weis for 2009 season; Fear that rough economy will force South Bend area Arby’s restaurants into closing subsides.

Nets fall to dismal Wizards with 108-88 loss at home; Team attributes end of 3 game win streak they had enjoyed on the road to the demoralizing affect of having to return to New Jersey.

Former Ranger Sean Avery suspended by NHL for public remarks referring to ex-girlfriend Elisha Cuthbert as “sloppy seconds”; An estimated 10,000 American males will lose their office jobs in the wake of this story after sending “Subject: If this is sloppy seconds, sign me up!” inter-office emails.

Giants WR Burress faces 2 felony weapon charges after appearing in court yesterday; Plax shocked to learn that his desire to not press charges against himself will not hold water with the grand jury.

Mets offer arbitration to pitcher Oliver Perez; Odds are 50/50 on whether Perez will casually accept or throw the offer wildly back in their faces.

Knicks order Marbury to stay away from practices and games until further notice; Former star taking time off to launch Starbury line of high quality, affordable cotton house slippers.

Yanks offer no arbitration to Pettitte or Abreu, but claim interest in retaining the two through free agency; Also offer no arbitration for Pavano, Ponson, Pudge, but deny accusation of informing the three with flaming bags of poo on their porches.

David Cross favorite and sometime Oakland Athletics left fielder Rickey Henderson is finally on the ballot for the Baseball Hall of Fame, contingent on his not randomly being picked up by a Major League team sometime between now and the vote in July. Rickey will clearly be elected on the first ballot, but probably not for the correct reasons. I all but guarantee that the first thing mentioned on Henderson’s plaque in Cooperstown will be his ownership of baseball’s all-time stolen base record. However, Rickey’s base-stealing prowess merely augmented his actual value on the baseball field, as well as in the hearts and minds of a generation of novelty connoisseurs.

There is almost no aspect of Henderson’s life or career that does not teem with some degree of hilarity and/or novelty. According to MLB.com Mets beat reporter Marty Noble, Rickey was born in the back seat of a ‘57 Chevy and was given the name, “Rickey Nelson,” after the “Travelin’ Man” singer of the same name. It’s safe to say that Henderson probably loved the name, as he would famously refer to himself in the third person on numerous public occasions, although he sometimes appeared to regret his illeism, once noting: “People are always saying, ‘Rickey says Rickey.’ But it’s been blown way out of proportion. I say it when I don’t do what I need to be doing. I use it to remind myself, like,`Rickey, what you doing, you stupid….’ I’m just scolding myself.”

Rickey has often been referred to as “the prototypical leadoff hitter.” This sentiment is true, however, it has little to do with his ability to steal bases. The most important part of Rickey’s game, and likely the most overlooked, was his ability to draw walks and get on base. Rickey is baseball’s all-time leader in unintentional walks, topping even Barry Bonds and Babe Ruth. He is second in total walks, behind Bonds, but drew all but 61 of his career BB on his own accord. Additionally, it should be noted that Rickey also hit 297 home runs during his lengthy career, including 28 in both 1986 and 1990.

Playing on seven different teams between 1997 and 2003, including a fourth stint with the Athletics and joining the exclusive Mets/Yankees club, Rickey’s career was as productive as it was novel all the way to the end, as he posted a .383 OBP with 158 extra-base hits during that time. Following his final season in the big leagues, Rickey signed on with the Newark Bears of the independent Atlantic League, where he would play several seasons and get on base roughly half the time he came to the plate. It is my hope that Rickey gets his wish and returns to the Majors at some point this season, preferably after the Hall of Fame ballots have been printed.

Plaxico Burress provided all the comedy we could handle this morning, so a few jokes we liked didn’t make the cut. Here they are:

Other Giants alluded to owning guns themselves, with Brandon Jacobs adding, “if you come in between that door frame of my home, I’m going to kill you.” Jacobs backed up his words by producing the bodies of six Jehovah’s Witnesses, a Fedex driver and Ed McMahon holding a giant check.

Plax will be repped in court by Benjamin Brafman, who previously defended Michael Jackson against molestation charges and Sean Combs against charges of being the worst rapper ever. Legal analysts say the “You forgot about Deion Sanders” defense that freed Diddy won’t hold up this time around.

Well both A-Rod and Madonna were in Mexico City yesterday, but reports say Rodriguez didn’t show up for the Material Girl’s concert as he spent the night in the hotel room with a terrible case of Guy Richie’s Revenge. Nooner insiders have learned that Guy Richie’s Revenge is a new action thriller from Paramount starring Jason Statham.

The Mets will offer salary arbitration to Oliver Perez today. Experts expect Perez to turn down the offer, but know better than to try to predict what Ollie Perez will do on any given day.

Giants wide receiver Plaxico Burress turned himself in to New York police on Monday, after a bizarre accident involving an illegal handgun and a self-inflicted bullet wound on Friday night; NFL commissioner Roger Goodell is investigating as to the extent of Pacman Jones’ involvement in the incident.

Giants shake off distractions, dominate Redskins in Washington; Cowboys owner Jerry Jones reportedly infuriated as his rivals are only a coke charge away from proving they have stolen the recipe for his 90′s success.

Jets D messy in the rain in loss to Broncos; Offense surprisingly ineffective as well considering quarterback’s experience in sloppy field play.

Knicks guard Chris Duhon set a franchise record for assists with 22 this weekend against the Warriors; With the young guard’s stock at an all time high, Donnie Walsh has begun scouring the league for an expiring 2010 contract to trade him for.

Devin Harris scores career-high 47 as Nets toast Suns; Mark Cuban far more worried about the long term consequences of his trade for Jason Kidd than for his involvement with insider trading.