Plaxico Burress provided all the comedy we could handle this morning, so a few jokes we liked didn’t make the cut. Here they are:

Other Giants alluded to owning guns themselves, with Brandon Jacobs adding, “if you come in between that door frame of my home, I’m going to kill you.” Jacobs backed up his words by producing the bodies of six Jehovah’s Witnesses, a Fedex driver and Ed McMahon holding a giant check.

Plax will be repped in court by Benjamin Brafman, who previously defended Michael Jackson against molestation charges and Sean Combs against charges of being the worst rapper ever. Legal analysts say the “You forgot about Deion Sanders” defense that freed Diddy won’t hold up this time around.

Well both A-Rod and Madonna were in Mexico City yesterday, but reports say Rodriguez didn’t show up for the Material Girl’s concert as he spent the night in the hotel room with a terrible case of Guy Richie’s Revenge. Nooner insiders have learned that Guy Richie’s Revenge is a new action thriller from Paramount starring Jason Statham.

The Mets will offer salary arbitration to Oliver Perez today. Experts expect Perez to turn down the offer, but know better than to try to predict what Ollie Perez will do on any given day.