As we point out in the show today, Jose Canseco is back in the news after smuggling a female fertility drug across the border from Mexico. The drug is apparently used illegally by juicers to combat low testosterone levels and testicular atrophy. He was accompanied by a female driver and her young daughter, because Jose Canseco’s not above bringing kids into his tiny-nutted romps of desperation.

We assume the woman is Canseco’s girlfriend or among his girlfriends, because who else would have enough of a personal stake in the size of his testicles to drive him across the border? Certainly Canseco’s passport is riddled with red flags by now.

Of course, the funniest tidbit from the story is that Canseco claimed he went to Mexico for cheap dental implants. Add “seeking dentistry in Mexico” to Canseco’s lengthy list of questionable decisions.

It boggles the mind that no one’s thought to make an after-school special of the Jose Canseco story yet. Hey kids, take steroids and one moment you’re on top of the world, the next you’ve got puny balls and you’re smuggling drugs in from Tijuana to try to get them bigger again, plus you’ve got Hepatitis B from an unaccredited Mexican dentist. Also, you’ve probably got bacne.