The Giants kicked off the 2008 NFL season with a 16-7 win over their division rival Washington Redskins.  While it was a solid win, there wasn’t even a single one-handed, helmet catch… way to start the season with a letdown G-Men. 

The Yankees 9th inning rally was too little to late in their attempt to sweep the Rays, falling 7-5 last night to the division leaders.  And chalk up another meaningless 9th inning homer for A-Rod, whose solo shot with 2 outs left them 2 runs short thanks to the bases already having been cleared by a True Yankee.

Plaxico Burress gets five year, $35 million dollar extension from Giants; looking forward to being only consistently overthrown 6’5″ receiver for years to come.

Fan beats LeBron James at HORSE; Lebron beats fan mercilessly in parking lot… nobody shows up the King.

ATTN: Shady Perverts- Be wary of where you’re headed with that box of Trojans and six pack of Mike’s Hard Lemonade… Chris Hansen and Mr. Met may be waiting for you behind that door with a cold serving of justice.

Recently returned right fielder Ryan Church’s first inning grand slam led the Mets to an eventual 9-2 victory, and a sweep of the Brewers.  In the post game press conference, Church pointed out that it was an overall team effort, and asked reporters to kindly refrain from using the word “slam”.

The Yankees continue to cling desperately to their last remaining shreds of playoff hope, beating the Rays 8-4 for their second straight win over the division leaders.  The game also marked perennial pariah Carl Pavano’s third start since returning, and the third Yankee victory in his appearances.  He can’t be beat…. FOUR MORE YEARS!!!

Brett Favre was officially named one of the Jets’ team captains today.  Evidently his teammates don’t mind that he weeps in front of his locker daily, or the fact that he is clearly wearing a Packers jersey under his Jets gear.

Recently released Lions running back Tatum Bell was caught on a locker room security camera stealing the bags of Rudi Johnson, the player brought in to replace him.  Bell however, insists that when he saw the unattended bags, he was only following his civic obligation to the “If you see something, Say something” mandate.

Mike Mussina led the Yankees in yet another “must-win” on Tuesday night, giving the Bombers 7 solid innings in a 7-2 win over the lowly Devil Rays extraordinary Rays… my God that still sounds so very wrong.

The Mets took their second straight game from the Brewers last night, winning 6-5 in extra innings after pinch hitter Daniel Murphy reached safely, and eventually scored on an Endy Chavez sac fly.  Nothing like your high profile players coming up big in the clutch.

The Knicks recent trade with Houston for Patrick Ewing Jr. appears to be only the first step in a bold new strategy by President of Basketball Operations Donnie Walsh.  Evidently, he now has his Knicks personnel scrambling to locate Chucky Oakley, little Johnny Starks, and any of the many juniors Mason.

Ozzie Guillen insists his comments referring to Red Sox second baseman Dustin Pedroia as a “goddamn jockey” were complimentary, clarifying; “Hey, it’s not like I called him a member of the f***ing lollipop guild.”

The Yankees outslugged the Tigers in a makeup game on Monday, beating Detroit 13-9 and winning them the series that dates back to May 11th.  Now, if only we can find a way that Major League Baseball will allow them to go back and have another crack at winning ten or so other series they lost we might just be in business.  Hold fast hope Yankee faithful.

Carlos Delgado’s late home run put the Mets ahead to stay yesterday, as they beat the Brewers 4-2 in what was otherwise a somewhat sloppy game.   Ever since The Morning FIx has given Delgado so much attention he’s been producing nonstop, and frankly I’m starting to run out of jokes.  Am I the only one seeing the correlation here?  All I’m saying is a thank you would be nice Carlos.

Cleveland Indians’ ace Cliff Lee notched his league high 20th win yesterday, throwing a 5-hit shutout and beating the Chicago White Sox 5-0.  Lee is having one of the most prolific seasons in Indians history, and has become only the sixth pitcher in the last 20 years to reach 20 wins by September 1st.  Cleveland fans are hopeful that the Indians will be able to notch their 30th win sometime by mid-September.

Jose Canseco is slated to appear on Fox’s reality show Moment of Truth, in which a contestant is hooked up to a lie detector test and and asked to answer incriminating questions truthfully for money.  The appearance is a joyous day for Canseco, as it marks the fulfillment of his childhood dream to one day become a horseman of the apocalypse.