Does anyone know? We haven’t really been paying attention, and all we know is that Michael Phelps’ run to eight medals is complete and he’s a national treasure and maybe The Greatest Athlete of All-Time, depending on who you ask.

The bad part is we don’t really care. Sure, Phelps’ accomplishments are certainly impressive, but we wonder why, if he’s such a great athlete, he didn’t take up a real sport like baseball or basketball or cribbage. Swimming’s hard as anything, we know that. We can barely do it ourselves. But swimming is merely a contest, not a sport proper.

That’s essentially why we haven’t been following the Olympics, because there are far more contests than sports being contested. Basketball? Sport. 100-meter dash? Contest. And the problem with contests is that someone wins and everyone else loses, and there’s not much else that can happen. Whoa, some guy ran faster than all those other guys. Wow. What else did we expect?

Here’s the thing about Phelps: He should take up competitive eating. That’s something we’d love to watch.

The Yankees kept their playoff hopes alive with a huge offensive outburst on Sunday, posting 15 runs in a win over the Royals.  Jason Giambi contributed with a grand slam and credited his recently reestablished upper lip hair with the victory, “I’m telling you as soon as I let this grow out again I felt like our luck would change.  And luckily it only takes me minutes to regrow it thanks to my body’s curiously high levels of testosterone.”

Johan Santana threw an absolute gem yesterday, notching a win with a complete game shutout of the Pittsburgh Pirates.  Santana was happy he was able to go the distance after the bullpen had been worn down by their work on Saturday,  “I wanted to give the guys out there a break,” Johan said, “plus I didn’t want to have to follow through on my threats of burning down their homes if they blew another win for me.”

Brett Favre says he “Feels like a Jet,” after making his first appearance for New York in Saturday’s preseason contest with the Redskins.  The newly acquired QB was 5-for-6 for 48 yards, and threw a 4yd touchdown pass.  Only throwing a 4 yard strike in an eventual loss… yup, that’s pretty much what I assume he meant by “Feels like a Jet.”

Former Seattle Supersonics star Shawn Kemp is reportedly coming out of retirement to play for the Italian team, Premiata Montegranaro.  Kemp is excited to get back in the game as he has been close to a comeback on several occasions, but hasn’t been able to work anything out in the US.  The news is good for the Italian club as well, who can count on a 25% overall jump in their attendance each time Kemp invites his children.