The Mets bullpen imploded yet again on Monday, turning a 5-1 lead into a 7-5 loss, and leaving Manager Jerry Manuel at his wits end.  Unsure of what he can possibly do to right this ship, Manuel has deemed that his relievers will each be entering the game to a different Michael Bolton song on the PA until they straighten themselves out.  Seems odd, but see how long it takes you to stop giving up inopportune hits when you have to trot out to the mound to the sweet tune of “When a man loves a woman.”

The Yankees fell further back in the pennant race last night, dropping their fourth game in a row, in a 4-0 loss to the Twins.  Manager Joe Girardi, discouraged by the lack of offensive production, had this to say: “Sidney Ponson gave us yet another efficient start, and we squandered it.  This is just like in back in Aruba when he highlighted that drunken brawl with a solid Judge-punching, but he didn’t get the support he needed.  It’s just really a shame.”

Giants offensive lineman David Diehl was forced to the sidelines by bruised ribs, missing practice for the first time in his career.  Diehl was said to be quite upset by having to sit out, but was comforted by teammate Plaxico Burress who pointed out, “Plaxico knows how you feel.  He has to sit too man, but don’t sweat it.  Those ribs are gonna bother you wayyy more when it’s time for contract renegotiations.”

Jets receivers are adjusting to the differences in the throwing style of Brett Favre compared to their last QB, in that he can throw harder than a high school freshman.  Wideout Jerricho Cotchery pointed out, “If you’re not looking, you may get hit in the head,” adding, “Let’s just say it’s a good thing Wayne Chrebet is retired.  Because Favre might have killed that scrappy little guy.”

A new era officially began in Green Bay on Monday, when Aaron Rodgers took the ball behind center for the Packers in their pre-season opener against the Bengals.  In a related story, John Madden’s impending insanity was upgraded to threat-level orange, as he has now shut himself in his home, eating only entire wheels of Wisconsin Cheddar while bottling his tears and mailing them to Favre in New York.

Gary Sheffield is reportedly unhappy with being relegated strictly to the role of DH by the Detroit Tigers, and feels he could easily be playing in the outfield every day.  The normally reserved Sheffield said he was “unsure” why Manager Jim Leyland insisted on keeping him out of the field, but pointed out that he “saw him getting along quite well with Joe Torre on several occasions, so it’s probably because he doesn’t like black people.”