The Yanks pulled out a victory in their last ever showdown with the Sox at Yankee Stadium yesterday, winning the game 3-2.  The hero Jason Giambi, who tied the game with a pinch hit HR in the 7th and won it with a walk off single in the 9th, said “I was glad to be able to get the big hits SOME of us have been unable to pick up lately.”  He then walkstrutted over to Alex Rodriguez’s locker and gave him an atomic wedgie.

The Giants took down the Pats in their final preseason game yesterday, leaving New England with an 0-4 record thus far.  Don’t sleep on them though, the Patriots are just saving their energy for the regular season again.  After all, repeating their undefeated regular season and defending their AFC crown is what really matters, is it not?

Both Brett Favre and Donovan McNabb sat on their respective benches during the Jets 27-20 preseason win over the Eagles.  The 5 fans who remained however, said it was a real barn burner.

Adam “Pacman” Jones was officially reinstated by the NFL yesterday.  He was banned again an hour later however, after he decided the best way to distance himself from the temptations of his past was to leave all of his artillery in a Salvation Army drop box and burn down the local strip club .

In the coming weeks, Mets fans will endure what may be the greatest threat to the team’s postseason chances this season. This monster is more menacing than Chase Utley, Willie Randolph, Al Qaeda, and an alternate-reality, slick-fielding Bill Buckner put together, and could single-handed derail everything that David Wright, Johan Santana, and Argenis Reyes have worked so hard for all season. Naturally, I am referring to the impending return of Marlon Anderson, the Mets’ bizarrely entrenched fifth outfielder, who made his first rehab start for Class A Port St. Lucie last night.

Anderson’s initial steps on the comeback trail should strike fear into the hearts of the Mets’ faithful, as his removal from the lineup with injury earlier this month was far more valuable than any moves the team could have made prior to the Trade Deadline, save for acquiring CC “Relax, bullpen, I got this one” Sabathia. Despite appearing in three times as many games as Daniel Murphy, his replacement on the Mets’ bench, Anderson has hit fewer home runs and walked less than Murphy has. Anderson’s 2008 batting line of .222/.259/.294 is so far below replacement level that there isn’t even a joke to make about it. Of course, performance isn’t everything, right? And as far as veteran leadership and clubhouse presence go, Anderson hits a home run every time! Plus, according to Anderson’s Wikipedia entry, “He is widely known for his clutch hits, and writers for publications including The New York Times and Newsday have referred to him as one of the best pinch-hitters in the game.”

Anderson’s performance this season has been about as valuable to the Mets as Ted Nugent is even-tempered. Ok, so there are jokes to be made about it. But the bottom line is that Marlon Anderson sucks, and when the Mets inevitably trot him back out there, Jimmy Rollins will be watching with a smile as big as the hole in Anderson’s swing.

Sidney Ponson and the Yankees dropped yet another crucial game to the Red Sox 11-3 last night, again making any hopes for a playoff berth seem fruitless.  But look at it this way, if I told you at the beginning of the season that the Yanks would be sending Sidney Ponson to the mound with their postseason hopes hanging in the balance, you’d have had no hope to begin with.  So all in all this isn’t that disappointing.

Carlos Delgado led the Mets to victory yet again last night, jacking 2 homers in the 6-3 win over the Phils.  The white-hot Delgado then proceeded to blast two more homeruns during the postgame press conference, and one more on his ride home.

Warren Sapp has added yet another show to his freed up retiree schedule, though he won’t be required to dance with any stars by joining the cast of NFL GameDay.  In the coming weeks Sapp is also slated to be slimed on Double Dare, advise on portfolio management on CNBC’s Mad Money, and guest anchor for Katie Couric on the CBS Evening News.

The College Football season kicks off today, sure to be overcovered and overanalyzed by media outlets nationwide.  Speaking of which, be sure to catch Lou Holtz’s 3 hour Shenshational Pigshkin Sheason Kickoff Shpectacular! beginning at 4pm ET on ESPN.

Luis Ayala blows save for Mets en route to a devastating 13th inning loss; welcomed by bullpen brethren with open and useless arms.

A-Rod goes 0-for-5 in Yanks crucial loss to Bosox; realizing postseason hopes are fading, the All Star third baseman has elected to get in his clutch situation choke-jobs while he has the chance.

Michael Strahan elects to stay retired; Giants begin searching for other media personalities interested in filling their hole at defensive end.

Jets coach Eric Mangini announces he will likely sit Brett Favre for their final preseason contest;  John Madden announces he will crucify Eric Mangini.

Pitcher Mike Pelfrey threw his second straight complete game, beating the Astros 9-1 for the Mets on Monday.  Pelfrey said he likely would have earned his first career shutout, had he not sapped the last of his energy trying to outrun Jose Reyes in the 8th inning.  Not on the base paths though, Reyes’ short attention span just got him a bit riled up and he demanded Pelfrey join him in a game of freeze tag.

Retired Michael Strahan is reportedly mulling the possibility of making a comeback, considering filling a gap for the first time in his career.

On the first day of the U.S. Open, the number one ranked player in the world Rafael Nadal needed two tiebreakers to win his first round match.  Upon winning, Nadal celebrated in his usual reserved, gentlemanly manner.

Former New York Jet Chad Pennington officially named Dolphins starter; ‘Arm like dead fish’ headlines soon to follow.

9-year-old pitcher banned from Little League for being “too good”; In talks with Mets and Yankees for possible September call up.

Giants lose star defensive end Osi Umenyiora for the year, will immediately begin scouring Fox Sports lineup for possible replacement.

Yanks’ home runs save them from imploding pitching.  Mets’ imploding pitching dooms their wasted home runs.  Sales of antacid products in the greater New York area continue to skyrocket.

Brett Favre looked sharp on Saturday in a Jets preseason win over the Giants.  While unable to put any points on the board, Favre did manage to avoid devastating an entire fan base by not throwing any heart crushing interceptions to Corey Webster.

The “Redeem Team” lived up to their namesake, going the distance with a win over Spain this weekend.  Team members dedicated their win to Doug Collins, a commentator, and member of the 1972 US team that was cheated out of the gold, and never accepted their silver medals.  The Redeem Team however, had no problem accepting their gold medals… just another glaring example of today’s money hungry athletes.

The Mets completed a sweep of the Atlanta Braves last night with a 5-4 win.  Slugger Carlos Delgado went 5-for-5 at the plate, driving in 3 runs including the walk off game winning single in the 9th.  Delgado’s unexpected late career production has all but assured he and his graying goatee a lucrative deal with Just For Men.

The Yankees were absolutely walloped last night by the Blue Jays in a 14-3 loss in which starter Sidney Ponson gave up 7 runs and was pulled in the third inning.  Let’s just hope Ponson, who has had a history of off the field behavior issues, doesn’t cope with the loss the Irabu way.

The International Olympic Committee has ruled there is not yet sufficient proof that a Chinese gymnasts in question were not of proper age to compete, but that they have asked for additional documents to verify their age.  Their suspicion has been spurred on by the revelation of a team-wide endorsement of Huggies Pull-Ups only months prior to the games.

The six U.S. athletes who appeared on the same television program leading up to the Olympics all failed to live up to their expectations of success.  So was the Olympic miniseries “A Shot at Glory” a curse to those who participated?  Maybe next time around they should call it “A Shot at Embarrassing Yourself on a Global Scale” and the athletes will fair better.

Andy Pettitte scattered 5 hits over 7 innings of work, giving the Yankees a huge 5-1 win in their push to remain in the pennant race. “Nothing is insurmountable,” the pitcher said, “just look at how quickly I have been able to recover from injuries in the past…”

Mike Pelfrey pitched a surprising complete game 3 hitter in a 6-3 win over the Braves on Wednesday. Pelfrey said the unexpected efficiency was spurred on by manager Jerry Manuel’s pre-game assertion that if any pitcher made it into the 7th with a lead, he was sending the bullpen home. “We all kind of thought he was kidding,” reliever Aaron Heilman said, “but the phone rang in the middle of the 7th and he just said to ‘get the hell out.’”

Fastest man alive continues Olympic dominance, breaking record for 100m, 200m, and breaking the village speed limit.

The “Redeem Team’s” impressive run towards a shot at the gold medal took another step forward with a 31-point victory over a tough Australian men’s basketball team on Wednesday. The US hopes to parlay its solid performance against the Aussie’s into a victory in the upcoming Knifey-Spooney event.

Johnny Damon’s eighth inning defensive blunder broke a tie ballgame, allowing the Blue Jays to score the go ahead run in an eventual 2-1 loss for the Yanks.  Darrell Rasner said he “didn’t blame Johnny for the loss” though, and that he still “considers him one of the best center fielders in the game.”  He then casually strolled over to Damon’s locker and punched him in the face.

For once the Mets were on the right end of a bullpen implosion, as Carlos Delgado’s 2-run double opened the gates for a five run eighth inning by the Mets and led them to a 7-3 win over the Braves.  Delgado, whose magical late-career performance at the plate this year has been a welcome boost for the Mets, promptly sacrificed a live chicken in the post game locker room to honor Jobu for his continuing good fortune.

An MRI showing inflammation in his shoulder revealed that Mets closer Billy Wagner will be forced to stay on the DL for the time being, and that his season may be in jeopardy.  His jaw however, showed no inflammation, so his ability to not so subtly call out his own teammates in the public forum of the Michael Kay Radio Show remains in tact.

Jets QB Brett Favre is looking forward to his preseason match up with the Giants, and claims he is not thinking about redemption for the INT against the G-Men that ended his 2007 championship hopes.  Favre pointed out “This is a preseason game for us,” adding, “Besides, this year is nothing like that because the Jets have absolutely no championship hopes.”

In light of receivers troubled by injury, Bengals elect to re-sign receiver troubled by general statutes of society and law.