This is the first and only time I will write a post with a WNBA tag, so you know something epic went down.  Last night the Detroit Shock and the LA Sparks threw etiquette and sports(wo)manship to the wayside and had themselves a good, old fashioned televised chick-fight.  Today, league officials are reviewing the incident in order to decipher the events and determine the punishments to be handed out.  No need, I’ve got it covered: The events- awesome.  To be handed out- medals. 

Here are 5 good reasons to love the WNBA brawl.

• On display here is the main reason that a fight between female athletes will forever trump any fight between men; pure, unalduterated, uncontainable hatred.  When male athletes fight it is because they are angry and impulsive, and once they realize they are on camera they immediately try their best to look tough (usually to no avail, as they wind up throwing wimpy, Carmelo-esque punches) while also doing their best to avoid being hit.  Not so here.  Once this scuffle begins these women immediately despise every fiber of one another’s being, and have that Jack Nicholson breaking through the door in The Shining kind of look in their eyes.  Their need to be held back and their genuine desire to get back in the scrum is palpable.  If this was allowed to continue I promise it would have ended in a bloody mess.
• Rick Mahorn: Peacekeeper.  I couldn’t be more anxious for Mahorn’s press conference explaining his actions here.  Even if he was truly just trying to protect his players and the integrity of the game, he’ll be hard-pressed to justify his method;  swatting Lisa Leslie across the court like a badminton birdie.
• DeLisha Milton-Jones: Regulator.  Ms. Milton-Jones would be the one in your video who runs up and punches Rick Mahorn in the back after he shoved Leslie away.  This may be the wrong metaphor, but can you believe the stones on this woman?  Granted, her fist landing squarely on Mahorn’s back probably felt to him like being hit with a spitball feels to you or me, but let’s give credit where credit is due.  This is the sports equivalent of running to the aide of an acquaintance in the midst of a bear attack, and let’s be honest, you’re leaving his ass.
• This photo of former Detroit Bad Boy Bill Laimbeer.  He looks like a proud father whose baby girl just took her first steps. 
• Ratings, plain and simple.  I will guarantee right here today, that the ratings and attendance for the next Shock-Sparks game jump by 50% each.  And judging by the number of butts in the seats of the average WNBA highlight, I’m thinking this league could use the boost.

Fight on ladies, fight on…

To watch an outtake from Wednesday’s episode of The Nooner, click play below:

One joke was cut by the censors for being insensitive to Estelle Getty. We can’t tell you that one, but here’s an adjusted version:

Following the tragic loss of American acting legend Estelle Getty, Golden Girls creator Susan Harris has announced that the role of Sophia in the upcoming Golden Girls reunion movie will be played by Moises Alou.

We don’t want Brett Favre on the Jets. We don’t care if he’s better than Chad Pennington’s brain on Kellen Clemens’ body, we’re just sick of all the Brett Favre love being tossed around. He already retired once and we already dealt with ESPN’s fawning once. That’s enough. Done. You’re finished.

Everyone loves American grit and stubble and Wrangler jeans. We get that. But what America doesn’t know about Brett Favre, apparently, is that he’s just about the most overrated quarterback ever. He’s like football equivalent of Nolan Ryan: He can chuck it, but he really has no idea where it’s going.

Yeah, yeah. Favre threw a lot of touchdowns. But he also threw a lot of interceptions. A whole lot. Miserable ones where the dude on the other team was the only guy within the camera’s frame when he caught it. Who were you aiming at, Brett Favre? No one? Just heaving? Great strategy, broseph.

Brett Favre reminds us of the kid who was the best at football in our elementary school. He was a hell of an athlete, so he’d play quarterback and just kinda scramble around for a while then launch it downfield. A lot of times some fast kid on his team caught it. Other times, some fast kid on the other team caught it. We were all really impressed by how far the kid could throw and how he could scramble around like the dickens avoiding would-be sackers, but that kid had a lot to learn about football. And when that kid turned 40 and had a bunch of concussions under his belt, we all knew it was time to leave the schoolyard.

Give it up, Brett Favre. Just like your passes, the praise thrown your way is too often misdirected.

Mets starter Johan Santana out dueled “innings eater” Joe Blanton (evidently innings are higher in calories than you’d think) in his first appearance for the Phillies, but wound up with a no decision in the end.  Unaware that it was Give Away a Victory Night at Shea, Santana was forced to look on helplessly as his Mets gave up 6 runs in the 9th in an eventual loss to their division rivals.

The Yankees notched their fifth win in a row, ninth in a row at home, with an 8-2 victory over the Twins.  Darrell Rasner had one of his best starts of the year, blanking the Twins through 5 and allowing only 2 runs before his exit in the 6th.  One has to wonder if rumors of the Yanks acquiring a certain Jack Bauer look-alike may have lit a bit of a fire under Mr. Rasner’s ass.

Despite dissatisfaction with his current contract situation, Giants wide receiver Plaxico Burress will be reporting to training camp on time.  He will also be attending his family’s regular Sunday church outing despite continuing unhappiness with having been named Plaxico.

Jets tight end Chris Baker, who has expressed anger at the team’s refusal to renegotiate his contract, has been placed on the Physically Unable to Perform list.  Considering his only injury is a slight back tweak, it is more likely in this case that PUP stands for the fact that the team is Probably Unwilling to Pay you.

LeBron James suffered an ankle injury during a Team USA practice on Tuesday, though it is not considered to be too serious.  The revelation that it is only a slight sprain has USA fans relieved that their bronze medal aspirations remain intact.

I’ve heard from a reliable source that Jeremy Shockey has been traded to the Saints. The New York media has mostly been focusing on how this move frees up cash for the Giants, but I’m confused as to how this move makes sense for the Saints. An annual cost of $1.5 million for Shockey makes some sense in New York. It’s an expensive town. But it doesn’t make sense in New Orleans. I know of a few places around Bourbon Street where the Saints can get a Shockey much cheaper than that, even during the off-season! Whatever, that trainwreck is New Orleans’ problem now. Let’s see how the people there deal with costly investments that fail to block anything.