The Mets’ official website reports today that six weeks ago, utility outfielder and suspected amputee Marlon Anderson hopped up on the soapbox and delivered an inspiring address in which he estimated that the team would require 92 wins in order to earn a postseason berth. Professor Anderson’s presentation included written material that was distributed among the team that showed his calculations.

This is funny for several reasons, but mostly because it revolves around Marlon Anderson encouraging people to play better baseball, the sports equivalent of Dick Chaney lauding someone for being creepy and ominous, Thom Yorke telling you that everything is going to be ok, or Scott Stapp calling someone a douchebag. If Marlon “.286 SLG” Anderson had any interest in seeing the Mets play in the postseason, he would recuse himself from the rest of the season and take a vacation to Billings, Montana, the town in the continental US that appears be the locus of points farthest from any major league stadiums. Either that, or somehow get himself traded to the Phillies, which would be awesome, as it would possibly be the first baseball Trojan Horse.

What a putz.