Some jokes that didn’t make today’s episode:

Billy Wagner spoke to the press about his recent White House visit alongside total jackass Kevin Millar. “The history was the best part,” said Wagner. “The first lady changes just about every room.” “The first lady changes in every room?” misunderstood Millar. “Woohoo! Cowboy up!’

Wagner downplayed rumors of his presidential candidacy despite his similarities to George W. Bush. Both men are self-described country boys, both have a tendency to ramble on in front of the press, and the President tortures innocent suspected terrorists just like Wagner tortures innocent Mets fans.

The New York Hockey Rangers announced they’ll start next season with two games in Prague. The Rangers hope to see the sights, learn about the culture, and get drunk and hook up with some German guy staying in their same hostel.

Players on the team said they feel no need to visit the city’s Kafka museum, as working for Jim Dolan has taught them all they need to know about existential nightmares.

It was a busy day for Mets team doctors, with medical setbacks to Pedro Martinez, El Duque and Angel Pagan. Omar Minaya was depressed, saying, “This sucks. With all their rehab starts, our Minor League ticket sales were going through the roof. I’ll just have to call up some folks from the high schools.”

And today’s outtakes:

The Nooner took on everybody’s favorite scapegoat, Lastings Milledge, today and we wanted to post a link to his hit single, Bend Ya Knees, to accompany it. As of press time, our internet-scouring intern still hasn’t found one. In fact, Soldier Boi Records’ (not to be confused with Soulja Boy) Myspace page is now just a sorry shell of its former self. No songs, no hilarious picture of Milledge in an argyle sweater, and only one friend — Tom, the guy who is everyone’s myspace friend.

This is a dark day for the L. Millz hip-hop empire. I remember he once told the press that he saw baseball as the tunnel he needed into his music career. Sadly, he’s yet to live up to his promise in either forum; he’s hitting .245 this season and Bend Ya Knees, wherever it may have gone, was just about the worst rap song we’ve ever heard.

We love Milledge, and we hate the fact that he was mistreated by the New York press for not giving good quotes. But we can’t in good conscience defend his terrible rapping. Our intern did stumble upon more bad rap from L. Millz’ cohort, Manny D, which can be found below. Fair warning: This video contains a lot of intensely explicit language:

Manny D freestyle.

The Mets rallied for 4 runs in the ninth inning to beat the Cincinnati Reds, extend their win-streak to 10 in a row, and take a share of first place in the NL East. Now you can just sit back and relax until the playoffs Mets fans, because we all know once the Amazins get their hands on first place they never let go.

The Yankees came to terms on a deal with first baseman Richie Sexson, released earlier this season by the Seattle Mariners, to help bolster their power from the right side of the plate. Had I known they were looking for a righty they could pay a few hundred thousand dollars to bat .218, I definitely would have made my availability more apparent. Oh well, hindsight is 20/20.

Giants season ticket holders are up in arms about the PSL policy that will go into effect with the new stadium 2010. Season ticket holders will be forced to pay an additional fee for their “Personal Seat License” which will “guarantee the purchaser associated rights to purchase Giants season tickets.” Think they’re mad now? Wait until the Giants brass reveals the PAL policy in which patrons will be forced to show their Personal Ass License at the door of the restroom before they may enter.

Photos from the wedding reception of Eli Manning leaked onto the internet recently, revealing quite the affair. You’ve got to love the look on the young quarterback’s face here: “I’m supposed to put my what where tonight?!”

Embattled wide receiver Chris Henry is hopeful for his reinstatement to play in 2008, and is looking forward to options with several teams including his former team, the Bengals. Henry also vows to beat his previous record for time without an arrest, which currently stands at 2 weeks, 3 days, 1 hour. Best of luck Chris!