As mentioned on today’s show, The Nooner is going away.

If you’re still checking in here, thanks for the love. We, me, whoever, wrote a farewell piece at TedQuarters today.

You know what? We were going to frame this post with something clever, but screw it. Thanks to the following picture of Mark Sanchez becoming so popular off Google Images in the past couple of months, we’re hitting unprecedented traffic figures.

And the irony? We stole the picture off Google Images in the first place. So thanks, sucker who originally uploaded it off the Internet. Shirtless Mark Sanchez appreciates your effort.

Everybody settle down. That man in the video player today is Ted Berg, from SNY.tv. He’s just filling in for Brittany while she’s home washing her hair, or awaiting a call from her favorite aunt, or doing whatever it is that girls do when they won’t answer our calls.

Anyway, we’re told she’ll be back tomorrow, so watch Ted botch her jokes while we try to sort through all the traffic we keep getting from the shirtless Mark Sanchez picture that shows up third on a Google Image search for Mark Sanchez.

Giants fall 45-38 in offensive shootout with Eagles; Philly fans celebrate yule-tide victory by tossing flaming Baby Jesuses (Jeesi?) at local mall Santas.

Behind backup QB, Jets back in playoff picture with 26-3 rout in Tampa; GQ editors preparing Kellen Clemens sexpot photo shoot for January issue.

Hawks blow by undermanned, severely under-talented Nets; Nets promotional emails now coming from players personal addresses, sporting subject lines like “Brook Lopez wants to see you at the Nets-Raptors game :*(“.

Knicks bulk up front court, sign forward Bender;  Bender’s career highlights include  averaging 5.6 points and 2.2 rebounds per game, as well as accidentally receiving an invite to Comicon ‘99 after being mistaken for beloved character of a Fox animated series.

Wang not in hurry to sign amid free agency; Major League teams not in hurry to sign Wang amid 86.73 era.

ESPN.com reports that the Mets are in the midst of talks to purchase about 210 pounds of Bengie Molina. Once considered a commodity by the general public, Bengie Molina has in recent years become an acquired taste, esoteric to connoisseurs of aged baseball player such as Brian Sabean and the Mets’ own Omar Minaya. If the transaction proceeds as many expect it will, the Mets will likely keep their Bengie Molina in the area directly behind home plate, where its fatty tissue and leathery exterior will absorb baseballs hurled in its direction by Mets pitchers. Additionally, the sheer quantity of Bengie Molina the Mets are considering is expected to create enough energy that it would likely send baseballs hurling into the bleachers beyond the outfield fence at Citi Field 15-20 times over the course of a baseball season.

With the Mayan-predicted “rough year” of 2012 fast approaching it’s not easy to acknowledge glaring signs of the impending apocalypse, but ladies and gentleman, the New York Knicks are on a 3-game win streak.

In a season in which the previous highest point of hope came when Eddy Curry showed up looking like Eddy Curry’s not so fat twin, Knicks fans finally have a legitimate accomplishment to hang their hats on.  After beating a super-talented Atlanta Hawks team and establishing that they are now better than the Celtics (who lost to the Hawks, it’s called the law of transitive properties, look it up), the Knicks kept their hot streak alive with a win over the Greg Oden-less Blazers at the Garden (some might argue this win is tainted by the weakened Portland squad, but anyone with remote knowledge of Greg Oden’s career knows the only good he’s done since going pro was that ESPN commercial).

And I know what the rest of you detractors are thinking, the meat of this unforeseen competency sandwich was the unimaginably hopeless New Jersey Nets.  Point taken.  The Knicks did use the worst starting team in the history of the NBA to bulk up their win streak, but that’s like judging the fat kid in class for attacking the smelly, poor kid.  Given the circumstances, they did what they had to do.

So rather than finding ways to undermine the accomplishments of the Knicks, let us celebrate them for what they are; Either a Christmas miracle, or a sure indication of the unavoidable doom that lay ahead for us all.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Jets get revenge on Bills in Toronto, hold on for 19-13 win; Sanchez, who received lessons on feet first sliding from Yankee coach Joe Girardi this week, injures himself sliding head first.  ”With respect to Mr. Girardi,” Sanchez said, “I only take sliding lessons from one man.”

Eli Manning confirms suspicions that autograph on Cowboy Stadium wall is in fact his, and thinks everyone should relax about it.  ”I don’t see what the big deal is,” Eli pointed out, “It’s one little handprint.  Besides, I’m pretty sure it’s washable, non-toxic paint.  That’s all my wife let’s me use anyway.”

Coaches and athletes blindsided as Hofstra cuts football program due to rising cost and fading interest; “It’s hard to find the words to describe it,” said sophomore WR Chaz Cervino, “It’s like we were all as shocked by this as the rest of the country was when they heard Hofstra had a football program.”

Return to Philly turns tearful for briefly retired veteran Allen Iverson; “After all I w-went through the first t-time around in this city,” Iverson sobbed, “I j-just can’t believe they still want me t-to p-participate in p-p-praaaactice.”

Nets cut down again, fall to 0-18; The NBA… where finding even more to rip on New Jersey for happens.

Gallinari shines again as Knicks fall to Magic; Knicks commentator Walt “Clyde” Frazier quickly running low on fresh, non-offensive Italian puns.

Tiger Woods’ saga continues with news of affairs and apologies; Sponsors sticking by him though, as Gatorade renames “Quiet Storm” to “Public Sh*tstorm,” and Nike reworks “TW” symbol into scarlet “A.”

Cowboys’ owner  interested in hosting Mayweather-Pacquiao fight in 2010; Jones feels the much anticipated bout would be perfect precursor for Cowboy Stadium’s Jesus-Satan II: This time it’s Biblical, slated for 2012.

After a disappointing season in which injuries laid claim to Carlos Beltran, Jose Reyes and Johan Santana, the front office was thrown into disarray and David Wright failed to maintain the level of play expected of him, Mets fans suffered another devastating blow Monday with word that right fielder Jeff Francoeur is expected to be ready in time for spring training following an operation on his injured left thumb.

While unlikely, it was hoped that the operation would force Francoeur to miss at least some time next season, a development that would have allowed the Mets to give his at-bats to a major league-caliber hitter. Unfortunately for the team, however, the operation was successful and Francoeur and his career OPS+ of 92 are expected to start in right field as spring training opens in March 2010.

So when Major League Baseball made the decision to exclusively include umpires with World Series experience in this year’s fall classic did it make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside?  Well it probably shouldn’t have, because all it did was assure us that those making the incorrect calls would do so with decades of collective experience.

Last night’s game 2 between the Yanks and Phils was yet again a comedy of umpiring errors that made fans everywhere cry out “Instant Replay” as they woke up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night.  Starring as the feature play in last night’s hot mess was the Phillies somehow managing to turn two on a play in which zero outs were actually recorded.  Rather than having 1 out with the bases loaded and Mark Teixeira at the plate, the Yanks were sent back to the dugout on the phantom double play.  I can’t even begin to imagine the reaction had the Yanks not been holding the lead at the time.  All I can figure is that MLB would have been forced to find another entire crew with commensurate experience because this group wouldn’t have made it out of the Bronx without being strung up and beaten like middle-aged, overweight pinatas.

Oh yeah, and it wasn’t over either.  Shortly after the double play that never was, the umps called another double play… that never was.  Chase Utley would be called out on the tail end of a double play ball that he had clearly beat to first base, but to no avail.  Was it a make up call?  Could it have been the renegade justice of umpire Brian Gorman who realized he had already screwed the Yanks so it was only fair?  Maybe, but it would seem there might be a slightly better way to run things.

In summation, this is my official plea to Major League Baseball… we NEED replay!  There is no way around it, and no valid arguments that still stand against it thanks to postseason baseball turning into a glaucoma patient convention.  The umps don’t even have to leave the field, just stick an official replay reviewer up in a booth, give them final say and be done with it.  Call up C.B. Bucknor, whose atrocious ALDS umpiring already got him kicked off the first World Series crew he was to be a part of, and tell him he’s got a ticket to the series anyway.  Sit him in a booth and make him smile, because even he can’t get it wrong with replay on his side.  Really though, as far as I’m concerned you can use whoever throws out the ceremonial first pitch that game, just get someone with a pulse up there with a TV monitor who can fix this tragedy, because there is no one among us who could say we’d be against having even President Obama and his mom jeans up in that booth getting the call right.  As long as in the end, the right call might finally be made.